To be Frantastic

Chapter 9: Oblivion

This is a big city. I can't believe how easy it is to get lost here, in San Francisco. But I'm grateful for it, or else running away would have been so much harder than what I intended. It's pretty dark already, about 8:30 pm, and the deep fog that clouds the streets make me feel practically blind. Luckily I was wearing my jacket and my beanie from earlier, because it's cold as fuck, and I wouldn't have gotten the chance to find my clothes before escaping the hotel.

Right now I'm walking down an empty street, heading downhill. Some cars are slowly driving by past me, but nothing too much. I don't remember feeling this alone in a long time. I eventually reached a boulevard by the beach, with some benches that faced the sea. I thought well, might as well sit down. I have been walking for hours aimlessly anyhow.

I took a seat and admired the little view I had of the ocean. It's during this lone moments when I usually... well... you know... think.

Thinking hurts me in every single way lately.

Luckily, I took the pills today. Before... he found them. Fuck those pills. Fuck what I have. Fuck Ricky, for making me feel so upset. Fuck my brain and it's stupid, stupid idea of getting both Troye and Tyler into the show... just... fuck them all!

-"Eh... sir?"

I turned around and saw a police officer, looking very concerned, pointing his flashlight at me.

-"... Are you alright?"—he asked.

-"... I said all of that out loud, right?"—I asked, very embarrassed.

-"You did, yes. May I see some ID, please?"

I felt my body freeze, but I couldn't just say no to a police officer. From my wallet I took my driver's ID and handed it over to hm. For about a minute he examined it, taking a few looks at my face. But he gave it back without asking any further questions.

-"Are you intoxicated?"

-"No, no, not at all... I'm sorry for the disturbance, officer..."

-"Very well... you should head back to your hotel, sir, it's starting to rain."

-"Thank you, I'll do so in a bit."

The officer left and I exhaled deeply. Since when did I start rambling out my thoughts out loud? I may have been like that since leaving the hotel, and did not even notice. But that officer didn't know who I was, or did not ask me to go with him to the police station. That means Troye has not notified them about me running away.

I checked my cellphone and saw that I had 39 missed calls from Troye, but none from Tyler or the guys back in LA. Maybe Troye hasn't told anyone at all...

After being on my own for a bit, I heard footsteps heading my way on the walkway. A young couple who were holding hands and walking very closely sat by the nearest bench to my right, which was a few yards away. Decent enough not to see their faces fully, but not decent enough not to eavesdrop.

-"... so, when will we tell your parents?"—I heard the man ask.

-"... how about next Sunday?"—the woman said to him.

-"... I can't believe we're having a baby..."

-"I know... I love you..."

-"And I love you..."

-"I can't imagine my life without you. You make me happy. You make me a better person..."

I didn't have to look to know they were cuddling. By this point looking would've been pretty pointless too, because the fog was way too dense for anyone to notice anything. But for a moment there, my heart beat became inaudible to me. All I could hear was the couple's breathing, and their declarations of love for each other. It was a different world, someone else's story. I felt like I didn't belong here.