To be Frantastic

Chapter 18: Happy Little Pill

-"I'm so tired..."-Troye said-"I think I've had too much pizza..."

-"Troye boy, you should know that too much pizza is never enough pizza..."-I said.

-"I know... but still..."

Zoe saw that Troye felt bad, and reached for a flask of stomach medicine, handing it over to him.

-"Feel free to use the bathroom Troye!"-she said-"The last thing I'd want is for you to get sick...!"

-"But I was just about to check Tumblr..."-Troye said, covering his laptop.

-"Oh, don't be like that! Nothing's gonna happen to your laptop, now go before you get ill!"

Troye had to take Zoe's offer and so he left his laptop, took the medicine and headed straight away to the restroom. We were back at Zoe's place from the concert. Tyler had come with us and we all had some pizza, but he was at the moment taking a nap in Zoe's room, apparently he was too tired. He was going to wake up soon supposedly, but since we had some spare time we decided we should go ahead and edit our videos for the week. At the moment, I was editing my vlog from today, the one that was up next Monday in O2L for vlog week. I don't like it. Alright, I hate it. I don't like how I act, how I speak... I don't like not having a plan for this, or for anything... I need a plan.

-"I do like it though."

I raised my head and looked at Zoe. She was watching me, and she had been seeing me edit. But what did she...? Did I...? Am I thinking out loud again...?

-"Why do you say you don't like it?"-she asked-"You've always been one of my favorite vloggers, Con!"

I swallowed saliva, and realized that yes, indeed I had been thinking out loud again. I thought I had been over with that. Turns out I hadn't. But I have to be over with that, or else things will get ugly...

-"Can I see?"-Zoey asked, signaling my laptop screen.

-"... Sure, come here."

Zoe sat with me on the couch and for the next couple of minutes just watched me edit. To be honest there wasn't much to edit at all... I tried to make it as lengthy as possible, at least for O2L, but vlogs are tough work. I can't see how daily vloggers can do this. Louis, Alfie, Marcus, Joey... my respects to all of you guys.

After I was finished, I played the video. Nine and a half minutes, all of them of me being as hyper and as random as possible, trying my best with this façade. Who am I fooling with this? Me? My friends? O2L? The viewers from O2L...?

-"And what about your main channel video?"-Zoe asked-"The one you told me would be about the lad's holiday?"

-"Eh... that one's over here... wait just a second."

This other video was more my type-or at least what I say is my type. It's just a cover really, so that people don't ask me why I don't do regular vlogs anymore. But since I've gotten the depression going on... there's just no way I can do normal vlogs regularly. I get nauseous just from the possibility of something being shown that it didn't have to... So instead I just do this. Montage videos with no dialogue and cool background music, ones that take little interaction from me and that focus on the scenery.

Because that's what's worth it, the content, the one that shows what's around me, not just myself...

-"... But Connor, you know you viewers want to see you for you too, right?"

Ok, I seriously need to stop thinking out loud.

Zoe looked at me concerned. She repositioned herself so that she was crossing her legs and looking at me directly. She wasn't "serious"... she was more... sad...