-"Arachnophobia..."—Dr. Kellerman wrote down.
-"Yes... but mostly large spiders... those are the scariest..."—I replied.
-"How about pictures or footage of spiders?"
-"No, those don't do the trick with me... it's not like having the animal right in front of your eyes. That creeps me out..."
Dr. Kellerman had asked me what were my biggest fears. This is an odd topic for me, because I'm a guy, and my biggest fear is spiders. And that's not very manly. Like, at all.
-"So any stories behind your fear to spiders?"
-"Well... when I was little, I remember waking up one night and seeing one crawling up my arm. It was a red spider. I cried out and it bit me. Of course it was not something serious, but I've hated the wretched things ever since..."
-"And what else makes you feel scared, Connor?"
-"Scared...? Not much... besides..."
... Being alone.
-"I think you must know"—she said—"that there are different kinds of fear."
She opened one of her desk's cabinets and took out three cardboard slides. She rose up the first one and showed it to me. It depicted a man with a bloody butcher knife facing my way. He looked in every way like a crazed serial killer.
-"There is horror, which is direct fear to danger. It is the natural reaction of the mind against events that threaten to your life and wellbeing. It occurs when you are evidenced something that is in fact scary. It is considered to be universal, part of one's instinct. Its main purpose is to ensure your survival."
She put down the slide and took a second one. She showed it to me. It was the image of a large corridor, dark, with walls that seemed hundreds of years old. At the end of the corridor, the shadow of a woman was standing far away.
-"Then, there is terror. It is defined as the fear of uncertainty. When your subconscious does not understand something, and is bothered by it, it feels terror. It is what you would call creepy or eerie. Its purpose is to warn you that you are unprepared to the situations ahead, or that you lack information on your surroundings."
The placed it down and then she took the third slide. She raised it up. It was the picture of a lonely woman, lying down in a large, empty room. She was alive and breathing, but she looked empty and bored, like she had nothing to live for.
-"... And finally, we have the fear of the mind. It is a strange kind of fear, still under study. Mostly by us doctors who specialize in mental health. Some people show fear towards emotions, towards understanding their own issues and problems, due to their apparent lack of power over them. It does not have a technical name, unlike the previous two. But some people recognize it as fear of one self."
She placed down the final slide and I just looked at her. She got me. In a nutshell.
-"Connor, it is unhealthy to be afraid of yourself. What you need to remember is that the best way to stop being scared, however, is to venture yourself into understanding your thoughts and your emotions. In order to stop being scared, you must first admit that you are scared."
YOU ARE READING
To be Frantastic
FanfictionI should introduce myself; my name is Connor Franta, very nice to meet you. Maybe you would like to join me inside my head? I would like someone to listen to my story.
