To be Frantastic

Chapter 28: Brothers

Step by step, back and forth, scared and decided, I headed back to the hotel gate with Jc to my right and all my insecurities to my left.

I told him everything.

The headache, the nightmares, the cuts, Sasha, the pills, oblivion, Troye, the song, Andrea, the wind, Hawaii, Italy, the panic... not a detail to spare. Unsurprisingly the whole thing had enough material to write a book, and he listened through it to the very end.

Well... I did leave one little detail out of my confession, and it was my latest conversation with Dr. Kellerman. That one, I save for later...

I don't think I have ever appreciated Jc any more than today. And I also don't think I'd ever expect him to be so supportive with me, especially after all of what I've done... what I've done to him and to the rest of the guys. Geez, God knows even I wouldn't forgive myself for my way of acting.

For every secret you keep, there are ten people who suffer for you, mom used to say when I was little. Back then, it seemed to be an effective way of me spilling out mischief and whatnot.

I guess that until today I didn't really understand what that meant, but now I kind of do. At least I like to think I do, because if I didn't... hell, then I hadn't learnt anything from all of this craziness. When you have secrets, they are not the only things you keep away from your friends and your family; you are keeping yourself away from them in the process, too. Isolated, frustrated and uncared for. You are on your own, left to hold on for love. And most of the time, it's an impossible task.

In a way, I was destined to let go and fall from this hopeless mission of mine from the very beginning. At least I can be at peace now, because it's crystal clear to me.

I wouldn't have made it much further, not on my own.

-"... Con, we are here."

Jc was right; I raised my head and found myself once more head on with the hotel building. The bus was no longer anywhere to be found, which meant that it had been parked already, and the guys where probably somewhere inside. I must have really lost track of time when I ran away, because all in all returning to the hotel it took Jc and I about three hours and half. Needless to say, it was pitch black now, and it wouldn't be strange if all of the guys were sleeping already.

-"... I don't see any police cars or anything."-Jc said-"I think they haven't called them. That's good news."

-"... You don't think... They went looking for us...?"-I asked, with my throat feeling extremely tight.

-"No, I doubt it. I told them to stay put, and Ricky seemed too much in a shock to start a search expedition or anything. The guys weren't leaving without him either. I think they're all inside."

Jc took out his phone and checked it. Unluckily, since he had gotten into the river with it, it wasn't working properly.

-"We need to get that checked..."-I said, feeling guilty.

-"It sucks not being able to see if they have called us or something."-Jc observed-"Like that at least we'd know where they are."

I didn't have my phone at the time I ran away, so needless to say we were completely on the blind. I guess like that its better; I would probably be twice as scared if I knew what was waiting for me.

We entered the hotel, as the doorman opened the main entrance for us.

-"You've caused quite a ruckus."-he said.

-"Are they waiting?"-Jc asked, as I lowered my gaze, knowing that the 'ruckus' was caused by me.

-"Your friends are in one of their bedrooms, I think the eldest guy told them to go to his. Your management team has been crazy looking for you two lads. You've made them worry a lot."