To be Frantastic

Chapter 29: Change

The truth is, my biggest fear all along has been change.

But come to think of it, whose isn't? Aren't we all afraid of change? A change as minimal as a different time or a different person to greet in the morning rush, or as massive as a change of lifestyle, much like the one I am now going through. We are afraid of change because we are afraid of being hurt. Change implies difference, difference means risks; and taking risks can have dire consequences.

Nobody likes to be hurt, and because of this man has always lived in a strange limbo. On one end, his conquering spirit and curiosity for the universe drives him to be the explorer, the risk taker, the one who looks for change. On the other hand is the man who senses the danger, who remembers the scars and loathes the pain, who wants to remain safe and to avoid its possible outcomes. Of change.

It's ok to be both of these men, however it's never ok to be only one. I have been the man who fears change for almost my entire life and I see that now. Why is that poisonous, you ask?

Because life is a constant change, and that's something that will always remain the same.

And now that I have decided to live in the light rather than in fear, some changes were ought to be made... for real this time.

It took a couple of days to get adjusted to the idea, but eventually the guys came to accept it, just as myself.

I am leaving Our Second Life.

And even though it's a tough call, it's also a price worth paying to get off this endless cycle. I don't think I've ever been so nervous about anything in my life before... I just hope... that the viewers don't hate me. If there's anyone I feel that I'm really betraying, it's them.

But this is something I need to do for myself, and now I know that. Now I understand that, with the help of my friends. I mean, the help of my brothers. Oh, yeah, O2L is my family. There's no way that's going to change either, we're together in this to the very last. Even if we drift apart a bit due to these changes, there is just no way that I'll let them drift away from me, not again. This time I'll give myself—and them—reasons to stay close.

Because maybe we just need a little distance to realize how much we need each other... right?

In any case, I'm not giving up on them anymore.

The sudden stop to which the bus came made my eyes open wide. I had been resting for the last half an hour or so, as we made our way to one of our final destinations, and it seemed like we were there already. With a couple of yawns and rubbing my eyes, I got off from my bed bunk and walked towards the curtain covered window, opening the drapes and letting the sun into the bus. My eyes adverted the familiar buildings and the grey cloudy sky, with the linings of evergreens from far and wide. It hadn't changed at all since the last time I was here, unlike myself. I am definitely a changed man now, for better or for worse. And this place was going to bear witness to that change.

-"Well..."—I whispered—"This will be interesting..."

Jc, who had been by the lounge area at the bus, walked over to my side and placed his hand on my shoulder, sending me a confident smile.

-"They will be supportive, Connor. Trust me. I know."

I smiled and nodded, because that's all I could do for now. Today I was going to tell a rather important set of people about what has been going on, and about what will happen with me. You might have already guessed where I am by now. Against all odds, I have arrived to Portland.

I guess you could say that the day in itself flew by like a breeze. The guys and I had been rehearsing a lot lately, and today was no exception. If it wasn't rehearsing in itself, then it had to be doing paperwork for the later show. If it wasn't that, then we were having meetings with our manager and production team. And this time around, to top it off, I was having daily conversations with Dr. Kellerman. We've been discussing how to address my explanation today.