To be Frantastic

Chapter 10: The toughest part

To say that I'm terrified of returning to LA and to the O2L house is an understatement.

I mean, wouldn't you? My acting towards Ricky whilst in my trip to San Francisco was inexcusable. And yes he may have acted a bit off with me too, but I was the one who flipped off the worst out of the two of us. I can't help but think that even if he didn't tell the other guys about our argument, I wouldn't feel wanted.

And I don't mean it as a bad thing. I know Ricky well enough to know he just isn't going to go around talking shit about me, because he's way better than that. Even when he gets upset or is in a feud with someone, he always manages to come out as the bigger man because, well, he is the most mature one in almost every single situation.

And still... I don't want his forgiveness. I would much rather he stayed mad at me so that at least I can feel like my actions are being punished. Because at this rate, if somebody does not stop me from being this way, how will I turn out? How will I treat my friends? Everyone will end up hating me.

Everyone should just hate me already.

-"Connor... Connor?"

Troye's voice drove me back to reality. We were standing at the door of the O2L house. My house. Had we gotten here a long time ago? How long have I been just staring at the door? Troye had been standing here with me after all. He hadn't just stood here for long, right?

-"Troye... what... how long have I been standing here?"—I asked.

-"It's going to be twenty minutes now."

-"That long? Darn..."

Troye placed his bag down on the sidewalk, walked in front of me and gave me a firm look. I hadn't notice until now that it was pretty dark already; the sun had already set.

-"Listen, Connor, we don't have to go back today if you don't want to. We can go stay at Tyler's place for the night, or I can take you to a hotel if you'd prefer."

You may be wondering what is going on. Well, since Troye found about my... issue, a couple of days ago, he has been insisting in that he would stay here with me in LA to see me through the month, up until our Hawaii show for the tour. The thing is I have only told Jc that I wanted to invite Troye over because well, Kian never gets anything done and it was out of the question to talk with Ricky. I don't know if this is a good idea, but I must say that there is no way I'm getting back here on my own. I would rather die. We came back from San Francisco today, Steele went back to Australia, and Tyler is back at his apartment. He thought it was weird that Troye decided to stay at my place this time, but he didn't mind. If anything I think it gave him nasty thoughts. Well, that's typical Tyler for you.

-"Listen, I don't know how bad your fight with Ricky was"—Troye said—"but you guys have to make up. Besides, you live here. You have to see him eventually. Come on Con, it couldn't have been that bad."

-"... You're right... we... we should get in..."

I took my hand into my pocket and took the house keys out, walked towards the main door and got ready to unlock it. My hand was shaking. I could tell Troye was looking at me, wondering if he should help me unlock my own door. I cannot put Troye in another difficult situation; I have to make an effort as well. I used the keys and turned the doorknob to the left, entering the house.

It was... quiet. Very strangely quiet. Usually if it's not Wishbone's barking its Kian's yelling or someone's filming. In the worst of cases it's a house party and our neighbors complain all night long. Right now it's just quiet. I don't know if I liked it or if it made me feel uneasy.

-"That's strange..."—I said—"It seems... nobody's home..."

Troye walked in and closed the door behind us. I then walked towards the kitchen and saw every light was off. Now this was definitely something weird. We never turn off the lights in the kitchen, not even when going out. It's almost as if they had been...