Delicate || Taylor Swift agere

1

"Eve" Someone said, I wasn't sure who. "She's gone" the voice reappeared, stinging with every word. Suddenly I heard a girl crying. Loud, ugly, raw sobs echoed against the bare walls. "I'm so sorry, Evie" the same voice wobbled, as if they were going to fall apart right then and there. I turned my head towards the voice. A short girl with big chunky glasses and a wild sea of blonde curls stared back at me. Lavender. I go to speak, but I realise the girl crying is me.

Everyone in the room stares at me, as if I'm some hurt puppy. I feel naked, stripped of the comforting walls that once surrounded me.

Before I can stop myself, I'm walking towards the Center of the room. There is woman spread across the harsh white hospital sheets. She appears no older than 50, long silky brown hair spilling across her face. Mum. Something shifts inside of me, everything feels real. This isn't some cruel nightmare I can wake up from, she's gone. My mum that's supposed to be there for me is gone. No more soft warm hugs, sweet cups of tea, comforting words, it's all gone. Just like that.

She had been complaining of a stomach ache for the past month, but she brushed it off like it was nothing. "...Stage four cancer...nothing we could do..." I hear the doctor say behind me. "Stop lying" I say before I can even think. He has to be lying, it was just a stupid stomach ache. She wouldn't leave me, she can't leave me.

"Oh Evie...I'm so sorry darling" Fiona says pulling me into a stiff hug. Fi was never much of a hugger. "Why does everyone keep saying that, it's not like you went and killed her yourself" I bark back. "Your right...sorry, I didn't mean it like that" Fi mumbled. "CAN EVERYONE FUCKING STOP SAYING SORRY" I scream with the little energy I have left.

I found myself stumbling out of the door and running as fast as I could down the hallway. My forest green converses squeaking against the shiny vinyl floor. The converses mum bought for me three years ago, on my 17th birthday. I'd begged her for months to get those stupid shoes, we had endless fights about them and now she's gone.

*********

"Can I help you miss?" The nurse sitting at the front desk questions. "Oh um, I need to sign out" I manage, staring at my feet. "Ok, what's your name and what patient were you seeing?" She asks softly. "My name is Eve Tryson, I uhm was seeing my mum, she's in room 22, her name is...sorry, was Sarah Grace Tryson" I reply, jumbling my words. "Ok hun, I'll just log that in now...I'm truely sorry for your loss, we have a fantastic team of therapists if you ever need" she said with a warm smile. "Um, thanks..." I reply, making sure to add an everything-is-ok-don't-send-me-to-the-psych-ward smile at the end.

I hoist my backpack onto my shoulders and walk out into the bus bay. The sound of the never stopping, New York City echoed against the concrete. I couldn't spend another minute in that room. Lavenders constant smothering of affection and Fi's pitty stares. I guess it was probably hard on Fi to, she was mums best friend. Then again she can find other friends, I can't find a new mum.

After around five minutes my bus finally pulled in. I hopped on the bus like I always did, making sure to give the bus driver a smile. The kind of smile that hurts your cheeks, the kind you don't really mean. I move to the back of the bus, three rows from the back, where I always sit. The bus is pretty quiet today, usually I'd be happy, but today I wished there was enough noise to drown out my thoughts.

My screen flashed, lighting up my tear stained face.

Fi: Hey Evie, the woman at the front desk told me you left, please be safe!! I understand it must be so hard to stay at the hospital. Please call me when you can. P.S Text Lavender, she's worried about you.

A part of me wished Fi had fought harder to find me. Everyone seems to expect me to handle everything, be an adult. I feel like a child lost in the crowd, everyone expects me to be able to find my own way. What if I can't, what if I don't want to.

I ever so gently push my headphones over my ears, letting out a sight of content. Music begins to fill my senses. All of a sudden I'm back in my mums arms, safely tucked away from the harsh, cruel world.