𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿.
☽☽☽
She captivated Bucky instantly during their first interaction. He cannot, however, express his feelings due to her bloodline and relat...
This is so stupid, but I've been told that writing down my feelings helps. Eden has a secret stash of diaries filled with every problem, question, and event in her life that she doesn't like to talk about but needs to get out. She didn't show me them as they are private, but she did tell me how much it helped her sanity. So, I took a page out of her book and bought myself a journal from Amazon. Don't even get me started on that website, It took me an hour to find a journal, let alone buy it.
There isn't much going on in my life right now. It consists of back-to-back missions, dinners with the teams, and pining over Eden. Ever since I realised I see her as more than a friend, I've been stressing out. I can't do anything about my feelings as she is the daughter of the famous Tony Stark, who hates my guts. But, I'm too scared of rejection. I have no idea how she sees me, and if she would deny my feelings, I would lose our friendship, and I can't risk that. She is a very prominent and bright presence in my life.
But, recently I've been feeling even more stronger feelings. She does things that make me uncontrollably smile, and I have to hide it from the team. No one knows my feelings, and I plan on keeping it that way. But, sometimes I find myself wondering if she could ever like me back.
☽☽☽
Eden had another idea that the team gets together and watches a movie after a stressful day. We didn't have a mission, but a few of us were trapped in Tony's office, reviewing the important information from the last mission. I wasn't invited, but apparently, Steve said he didn't want to possibly trigger me if I saw any of the recorded tests on the files. So, I went to the gym to train and stayed in my room having time to myself. I finished the book Sam gifted to me and continued watching a few more episodes of The Witcher, absolutely loving it. I'm really starting to like Gerald, just like Eden does, but defiantly not as much as her.
After dinner, we all gathered in the living room with a bowl of popcorn, and a few blankets scattered around the couches for people to use. Eden sits in the centre, having run to the living room so fast to get there first. We all crowd around her, and I end up beside Steve, who is sitting next to Eden. The movie begins and the room goes dark, the only light coming from the TV. Everyone goes quiet and music comes through the speakers. The popcorn is shared around the room, the bowl mainly staying on Eden's lap or the coffee table. I have no idea what this movie is called, named, or about, but Eden said it was a classic, and she grew up watching and loving it. I completely trust her judgment.
One of the characters says a line that makes Eden laugh, even though she has probably heard it a million times. It's really cute. I turn to watch the small wrinkles on her face crinkle when she laughs, but I instantly frown. Steve is leaning back on the couch, his arm stretched on the back, and Eden leaning into his shoulder. She keeps nuzzling into his shirt and they laugh together. Now that I see this in front of my eyes, every thought and sight of them together comes flying into my mind. Steve and Eden are very close and spend most of the day together, even if that's taking in the kitchen in the morning, training together when I'm doing it by myself, or going on drives to the store. I want to be like that with her, but she wants Steve. She doesn't like me like that, and never will. She obviously likes Steve like that.
For the remainder of the night, I stay completely silent. I don't speak to, look at, or even touch anyone else. This feeling is horrible, and I've never felt like this before. I don't want to feel jealous, I hate it. Why do I feel like this when there isn't even the smallest chance of there being something there? She can't possibly like me like that. When the movie ends, everyone stands up and a few clean up the living room. I practically run to my room, leaving everyone else in the dust.
