101 reasons why I loved you // l.h // ON HOLD

week 5

reason #5 (the way you held my hand)

dear luke,

this is the fifth reason of 101 why I loved you.

you were always a very affectionate person, and it showed. you would constantly kiss my temple, my forehead, my lips, my cheeks, neck, ear, whatever.

you always loved to show your affection, in public too. if someone was looking at me in a way you didn't like, you'd be quick to show them that I was yours, usually by linking our fingers together and raising our arms into the persons face as if to say, "yeah, she's mine," which made me giggle.

I loved when we would have baths together and you would hold my hands in yours while I faced you and you kissed me passionately. times like those are what I missed most. I felt loved during those times.

I also loved when it was early in the morning and you didn't want to wake up, so I would link our hands together and you'd bite my fingertips until I let go so you could sleep a while longer, which I agreed to, getting a kiss on the lips from you.

I loved when you held my hands like you never wanted to let go. like if you let go of my hands, I would be gone.

you loved to hold my hands in the car. if we were driving somewhere you would always have your hand on mine, or linked with mine.

it would be on the middle console or on my leg, but you would always run your thumb across my knuckles because you knew it calmed me down.

I loved the way you held my hand when we watched a scary movie. if a scary part came on that made me jump, you would squeeze my hand, like you were reassuring me that it wasn't real.

our wedding day was the best day of my life, but I was a nervous wreck. it was visibly obvious when I came up to the altar and I was shaking.

but, like always, being the knight in shining armour you were, you grabbed my hands in yours, and kissed each of my knuckles, telling me that it was going to be okay, and after that, it was.

I remember, when I told you I was pregnant. you grabbed my hands in yours and kissed me. with our hands linked, you put them on my still flat tummy and whispered, "I love you baby, and I'm so exited to meet you in 9 months,"

I wish you had met anna. she would have seen how great of a person you were. you would have been the best father to her. you would love her, and cherish her, just as much as you loved and cherished me. you would teach her how to ride a bike, and you would help her along in life.

if I knew that the day we walked on the beach, 3 months before my due date, hands grasped in each others as we dug our toes into the sandy water, that you wouldn't be here 3 months later, I would have held you longer, would have kissed you harder, and I would have loved you more.

the only problem with that is that I couldn't have loved you anymore than I did. I loved you more than I had loved anyone in my life.

sometimes, in my dreams, I could still feel your hands grasped firmly in mine. I could still feel the smooth, yet cold metal of the ring on your ring finger, reminding me that I was yours.

sometimes, it felt like you were still there, holding me close as we drifted into a peaceful slumber.

that was reason 5 of 101 why I loved you.

love, amanda