101 reasons why I loved you // l.h // ON HOLD

week 8

reason #8 (the way you smelled)

dear luke,

this is the eighth reason of 101 why I loved you.

you were a complex person, luke hemmings, and not just in the way you talked. you had the ability to smell like different things at once, which always confused me, but you managed to pull it off.

when you would come back to one of our many hotel rooms after your show, your smell still intoxicated me, even if you smelt gross to other people.

after your shows, you smelt like sweat, dirty socks, beer, and cologne.

a strange combination, that didn't smell so great, but just the scent of you, no matter what, always managed to make me swoon.

when I met you, I smelled you from across the store before I even saw you, your cheap cologne wafting through my nostrils so quick I had to cover my nose and cough slightly.

I made you throw that ridiculous cologne away and you bought a new one. that scent, the cologne you bought, was the one I had always smelt on you. it was like, even if you weren't there, you seemed to be, because it smelt like you.

I found myself crying whenever I smelt it, though. I didn't want to give up the cologne because in my mind it was the only physical thing I had left of you. I had pictures, voice recordings, your clothes, etc, but I always felt that the cologne was the one thing that I had that just kept you with me.

I would keep buying it, every time I ran out. I would wake up every morning and just spray your closet, and the bed sheets with it, just to smell you in the air. as if having your scent in the air would allow me to think you were still here. you were going to come home from the studio and give me a kiss on the forehead, telling me you loved me and then tuck me under your arm as I smelled your body wash and drifted asleep.

we would go on camping trips sometimes, before I got pregnant with anna. we would go for as long as 5 days before you had enough of the mosquitoes biting your "delicate ankles" and we came home. I found it funny, that, even when you smelt like smoke from sitting by the fire, you still managed to smell amazing for me.

I never cared how you smelt, because it was more of the fact that I had you with me. it was having you around, loving me, caring for me, and your scent was just something that came along with it.

having you gone made me treasure your scent even more. knowing that it was one of the few things that I had left of you. it was one of the few things I had to remind myself that you were here at one point. you were in my life, caring for me, and loving me like no other human being could.

your scent, was something I would always keep in my memory.

that was reason 8 of 101 why I loved you.

love, amanda