✨MY LIGHT IN THE DARK ✨ || JIKOOK ✅

1.

JUNGKOOK POV

Thank everything this week was over.

Freedom was just a breeze coming from the opening and closing lecture hall doors away, but the grating sound of my ringtone interrupted my
internal victory dance.

I sighed as I began to rummage in my backpack, pushing aside my nursing books to reach my phone.

Irritation made me root through my mess faster when the music stopped and then started up again.

Jimin kept telling me to change my ringtone so it wasn't also the one for my morning alarm and for when the hospital paged me.

He informed me every time this happened that I had conditioned myself to associate that sound with things I didn't like and I shouldn't feel overwhelmed
every time my phone rang.

Jimin told me a lot of things, though, that I should do to
make my life better.

I didn't listen all that often.

This was one of those times.

I finally found my phone and glanced at the screen.

The name of the caller blinked
up at me, as if in emergency Morse code—

Mayday! It's San. Mayday!

It could have just as easily been Jimin's voice in my head, coding that message or hobi, or Jin, any of my friends who had told me again and again, to walk away.

They weren't wrong, San was
a nightmare, it just really
sucked to admit defeat with
yet another guy.

Fuck.

San's name continued to flash
on the screen.

He's not giving up.

Gnawing on my lip, I fought off a cold sizzle that trembled up my spine as I thought about him.

San didn't make me feel endangered, just left me with
a gut-level discomfort and the
hint of a pain not fully realized.

Rehashing the chaos and final smoldering ruins of our relationship always made me
feel small, like a part of my common sense had been paralyzed to allow it to all spin out of control and I couldn't walk away or stand up for myself.

The entire experience reduced me to my worst reactions and that was why I had stopped answering his calls and had finally found the strength to break up with him two weeks ago.

I'm not going to answer, I don't need to answer. I ended it.

That's it.

My 'no' is more important than other people's feelings.

No matter how much I repeated my mantra, the truth was that
I wasn't sure I believed it yet.

I hit Ignore Call on my phone, sliding it into my back pocket.

My shoulders relaxed from
beside my ears.

This wasn't the first time San
had called but I hoped more than anything it would be the last.

I wished I could do what my friends said and meet a nice guy.

It wasn't like I didn't want someone sane to love me.

You'd pick Jimin if only he wanted you, my traitorous brain whispered, as it always did when I thought of dating a nice guy.

Shut up, I whispered back, ignoring the fact that I was having a conversation with myself. Never gonna happen.