✨MY LIGHT IN THE DARK ✨ || JIKOOK ✅

31.

JUNGKOOK POV

It was September again,
rolling around like it did
every year but it still
surprised me how fast time
had gone and also how slow.

I started back to my normal classes, heading into the last semester of nursing school.

I was a bit ahead because of
the summer courses I'd taken
and it felt like nothing had changed, except everything
had.

It felt like just yesterday
that I was sitting in the
booth with my friends, wishing with everything I had for
Jimin to look at me the way
he did every morning now.

But it also felt like a lifetime
ago since I'd walked the
streets without watching
my back.

I bet most people didn't start
the day wondering if this was
the last one, thanks to a crazy drug-dealing kidnapper with
too much money who refused
to get caught by the police.

It was difficult and some
times I couldn't hide the
way this threat, this case,
was grinding on me every day.

Lately my worry made it
difficult for me to get up in
the mornings, to go about
my day, even to be happy
when I was with Jimin.

He could tell and I knew he
was worried I was giving
up on him but it wasn't that.

I had this nagging feeling
that if I let myself go
completely, let myself fall in
love completely, let myself be truly happy, that that was the day I was going to lose it all.

So I held myself back and
I know it hurt us both but
I didn't know what else to do.

There was nothing I could
do to keep myself safe,
much less Jimin.

There was nothing I could
say to make Jiwoo stop
or to make Jimin feel
better about the situation.

So I stayed quiet.

And he stayed quiet.

And we were slowly becoming strangers in our home, despite the great moments we'd been able to steal.

When Jimin had taken me
up to Aspen, it was the
greatest weekend.

It was almost like none of our problems existed anymore
when we were there and it
was wonderful and gave me
a glimpse of what we could
have.

But then we'd had to come
back to civilization and I
really didn't know why.

I mean, I knew why.

Jimin had a job.

I had school and my
placement at the hospital.

We had our friends who needed us, some of whom were also
in danger or still grieving.

Deep down, I'd wanted to stay lost together out there in that crumbling cabin forever.

I knew it was insane to be
upset with Jimin.

He worked himself to the
bone to make sure that I'd be safe again but sometimes emotions don't make sense
and I was mad at him.

Mad at him for showing me a glimpse of peace in Aspen, only to force us away from it again.

Mad at him for staying on
the case.

And mad at him for the
damn bodyguard he'd
convinced his buddy Dubois
to lend him from the FBI since we'd returned from Aspen.

It was weird, and it didn't
help my feeling of being
watched one bit.

Before, I'd always been on
alert for someone following me, now someone always was.