Eleanor's Journal

Entry 53

I visited kayla yesterday and today.

Yesterday I was so glad to see her. But the overall visit didn't feel good.

Today was different. I went and we talked and we played cards and Kayla gave me his journal to read so that I can see the person she really is. I think he expected it to scare me away, but it won't. Nothing will scare me away. I love him. So much.

Livi says she has to die. She said she swore on the styx that if she tried to date me and I refused that she would kill herself. She tried to get me to be her girlfriend again the other day and I rejected her. I'm the reason they have to die. I did that. I killed livi. I don't know much about swears on the styx, but livi really thinks that if she doesn't die then the most awful terrible things will happen. Things worse than death. But I don't understand what could possibly be worse than death except the death of the people you care about. I asked Kayla if he thought if I dated Livi now if it would mean she doesn't have to die... he didn't know. I wanted to ask livi. But she's sleeping. I guess I'll ask in the morning.

While Livi was sitting on the futon telling me about how everyone is going to blame me if she died she took a bunch of pills. At first I thought it was just her daily pills. But then she just kept taking them. So as nicely as I could I asked her to come sit on the bed as close as she could get and when she was close enough I shoved my fingers down her throat. She puked. All over me. And she said that was the most romantic thing we had done in a while. Honestly I wouldn't consider that romantic at all. I almost puked and then she puked again all over me. It's absolutely disgusting.