"Church Boy."

Ataraxia

"I don't know, Trav..." I truthfully answered, smiling and giving a lighthearted giggle to lighten the mood. "Oh..." he muttered. He sighed deeply and looked down at the bed as if it were going to morph into an answer if he looked long enough. "Do you need to tell me anything?" I asked, cupping his face. "I do...I don't feel good enough, I feel like a sinner, and I have this urge in my chest that I can't get rid of. I feel controlled and trapped and just...like I'm not my own person..." he admitted, letting a few tears fall from his amber eyes.

"Trav, you are enough. Why would you be a sinner? You're a saint." I assured, smiling to support my statement. "Sometimes, we have urges that we can't fulfill. It's normal. You are your own person. I'm so grateful to know you and be here right now. You are my favorite person and I love being around you." I said, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. 

"Why...why don't you hate me...?" he murmured, not meaning for me to hear him. "I don't hate you because you don't deserve my hate..." I answered, twirling some of his hair between my fingers. "But..." he muttered, sniffling slightly. "No buts. I don't care what you think, to me, you deserve the world..." 

"I don't deserve you, Sal."

"You don't deserve me, you're right..."

"I know..."

"You deserve better..."

"Sal, you're the best they get."

"I'm really not, you have other friends who love you so much more!"

"No."

"What?"

"No, I don't. I have nobody else."

"You have your parents."

"Parent."

"Oh..."

"I would, but he would just call me a sinner and punish me... I can't do anything. Like I said, no free will."

"Trav, you need to start doing what you want to do. Not what everyone else wants."

"Whatever I want?"

"Yea, go for it. You only live once, y'know?"

"Yeah, guess so..."

"So, go ahead! Right now, is there anything you've been dying to do? I could help!"

"There is, actually..."

"Do it!"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course!"

"Do me a favor and promise me you won't be mad..." he whispered, sitting up and motioning for me to do the same. So, I did, I sat up onto my knees and looked up at him. Worry and apprehension was plastered on his face as he waited for me to respond. 

"I promise you; I won't be mad."

"Here goes..." he whispered, reaching a hand up and grabbing my chin. I was in shock as his lips met mine. He pulled away after a second. "Travis, did you really just...kiss me?!" I whispered, my eyes wide and my lips parted. "I did...I'm sorry, that was uncalled for...I-" 

He stopped talking as I went back in for more. His lips were soft, and I craved how they felt. "Travis, don't be sorry..." I murmured. "M'kay..." he whispered, struggling as he didn't want to pull away. Travis grabbed my chin and parted his lips from mine. 

I threw my arms around his neck and crawled into his lap as he put his own on my skinny waist. Our lips met again, this time, he gently poked at my lower lip, requesting entry. I opened my mouth, allowing him to move his tongue around, exploring as he pleased. I moved closer, fiending for every part of him I could have.