The Last Time

19

So Cold - Ben Cocks

Mrs Riley really is an amazing woman. She knows something is going on but she doesn't fire question after question at me. She just comforts me. Bandages my ribs up, all the while radiating love and understanding. How lucky her three boys are to have a lady like this as a mother.

She makes me feel safe when I'm around her and it actually makes me want to open up to her.

"Did you mean what you said...When you said what I tell you goes no further?" I can't look at her as I ask. I feel like she can read me so well and if I look at her she will know everything.

"Of course, like I said, you have my word" I believe her.

"It's Liam...My boyfriend...He gets so angry and I feel like it's only getting worse" The words rush out and I feel a bit frantic saying this out loud for the first time ever but once they are out I feel a tiny weight lifted.

"And what does he do when hes angry?" I feel like she already knows the answer to her own question but she needs me to confirm it.

"He shouts,screams...He...hurts me...My rib, It's not the first time" I play with a strand of my hair as she watches me intently.

"When did this start?" She gets up and turns the open sign to closed. I assume she doesn't want me being disturbed now I'm actually being open with her. She then retakes her seat opposite me.

"It's been a long time. Nearly two years I guess. He was so nice at first. So loving and kind. It was me and him against the world and then one day everything changed without warning and he's never been the same since. I feel like I'm suffocating, I don't want to give up on him but I honestly think he's going to kill me if I stay" I'm sobbing by the time all the words are out and she's holding my hands between hers.

"He cheats on me. He leaves for days at time but I'm not allowed to even breathe without his say so. I left and went to my mum's for a few days after he through me out literally on the floor but as soon as I didn't answer my phone one day he demanded I go back and I couldn't say no. I don't know why I'm so weak" She remains quiet whilst I confide in her.

"He doesn't know I'm working. I make sure I'm back before he finishes work and I don't leave until he leaves, but I feel like my chest is going to explode if I don't tell him soon and I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what he will do when he finds out" Shes nodding along, showing me she is listening.

"Maybe you shouldn't tell him" She adds.

"I don't want to but I know it'll be so much worse if he finds out some other way. I'm really sorry for off loading all this onto you. I know you barely know me and I'm a stranger but I just don't know what to do anymore" I wipe my tears on my sleeve and she hands me a napkin from the table.

"You may still be a stranger but I feel like I know you. You remind me of my mother. She was in a similar situation with my father" Her face falls as she says this.

"What happened?" I ask, wondering if I really should know the answer to that or not. 

"She stayed with him until the end. He died first and not long after, she did to. She never experienced a free life. A happy life and us children suffered because of that" She wipes a single tear from her cheek.

"We used to beg them to separate but they never would. I vowed once I had children I would never put them through that. I got extremely lucky with Peter. His love was foreign to me at first because he was so good" She glows at the mention of Mr Riley and I can't help feeling jealous of their obvious love.

"You could have that to Kallie. Love doesn't have to be like this" I can't help but feel guilty at imagining a life without Liam.

"I just really love him so much. I'm hopeful that the old Liam will come back to me" I finally look at her and I see that she doesn't believe he will.

"Men like that usually love bomb beautiful girls like you and as soon as you're in love with him they show the real version of themselves. I'm not going to lie to you Kallie. I don't think the boy you fell for is the real him" I know she means well but this hurts me. That's all that has kept me holding on for so long.

"Maybe you're right, but I just can't leave. Not yet" She looks sad when I say this.

"That's okay. Nobody can force you to leave. Just know that if you decide to leave. I will be here to help in anyway that I can. Okay?" She stands and I stand to give her a hug, she holds me for a long time.

I help her to tidy up the cafe and we refill everything before leaving. As I walk home I take in the surroundings. The birds are singing and the sky is bright blue. I feel a little lighter having shared some struggles with Mrs Riley. She makes me feel so calm. I'm so glad I met her. As I get closer to the house my anxiety starts to make my chest ache and I try to ignore it. He wont be home for a while yet so I have time to calm myself before he arrives. As I turn my key in the lock and head inside, something doesn't feel right.