The Last Time

70

End Of Me - A Day To Remember

"Where are they?" I'm furious. I've just been pushed to the floor in the visiting room by Liam and then to find out from him of all people that my mother has been keeping these letters from me. She flung the door open after I stood continuously banging on it for the last few minutes.

"Kallie! What are you going? Where is what?" She asks clearly forgetting what she's done this time. It's like my whole family continue to work against me. I'm sick of it.

"The letters mum. The fucking letters you are hiding...From Liam!" I push past her into the house and storm up the stairs to her bedroom. I root through her bedside drawers finding nothing but random crap.

"You wont find them in here. I burnt them...Kallie! Stop it!" I turn to face her. She's stood in the doorway with her arms folded over her chest, stubborn as ever.

"How dare you? They were for me! You had no right!" I push past her and back down the stairs to the garden. I need air.

"How dare I? How dare you! I'm trying to protect you from whatever manipulation was written in them! I'm trying to protect my granddaughter from her mother who I know damn well wont stay away from that low life!" She clip clops into the garden after me with her high heels as high as her ego.

"You know what, fuck you! Fuck all of you...Nobody needs to protect my child but me! Maybe you should have protected your own fucking daughters and I would never have clung to somebody like him in the first place!" Her jaw almost hits the floor but I don't care I'm so done with everybody lying to me and hiding shit from me and treating me like a god damn child. I walk out of there before she even responds and drive away again. I guess we will never have the relationship of a proper mother and daughter.

---

When I get home Scott's truck is on the street outside my house. Maybe I should give him a key. He's always here now. I park behind him and slam my car door. I'm still so angry. He doesn't get out of the car to greet me and that immediately feels off so I walk over to his driver window which is rolled all the way down.

"Hey you" The way he's looking at me is off. Something is wrong. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"How could you? After everything he's done to you. You've been seeing him still haven't you?" How the hell does he know I've been to see him today.

"What are you talking about?" I don't want to confess to anything in case we just have our wires crossed. There's no way he can possibly know I went there.

"Don't. Don't lie to me Kallie...I don't deserve that. You're mother called mine and told her you went over there screaming the place down over some letters. How did you know about the letters if you're not in contact with him?" He's looking straight through me. I've hurt him. I can tell.

"I...I went to see him...He called me. He said he would kill himself if I didn't go" I sound like a child that has been told off. I'm an idiot. What was I thinking? Why do I always allow him to drag me back under his spell.

"Right...So what am I then? Just a distraction until he gets out? You're never going to leave him properly are you?" He starts up his truck and I struggle to find the words to ask him not to leave.

"Scott please. It's complicated!" He shakes his head at me, straps himself in and before he pulls away from my house he says "You know Kallie...I could have fallen in love with you. I could have spent my life loving you. I would have treated your daughter as my own and I would have cherished you both but I won't because you're not ready...Clearly you never will be" Then he's gone, before I can beg for him to stay.I spend another night alone, crying myself to sleep. 

I can't force myself to fall in love with Scott even though I wish I could. I know he would be good for me and the baby but I'm just not over Liam. I wont go back to him though. I'll prove them all wrong. I'll be a better mother than my mum ever was because my daughter will come first. I'll show her how to put your child first.I decide to go on maternity leave early and of course Alison is so understanding about the change but I need to separate myself from the Riley's. One because Alison and my mother have clearly been communicating behind my back and two because I can't be the person Scott needs. They have helped me so much and I'll be forever grateful for what they have all done but my situation with Scott has kind of tainted all that. He is Alison's son. She's bound to agree with him. Maybe I'll go back to the cafe after the baby is here. Maybe I'll find a new job before then but I need some space to be alone with my thoughts.

---

A few weeks go by before I see any of the Riley family. I miss them. I miss all of them so much. I really do feel like I've been a part of their family the last year. Alison is coming over today to see me. I'm so big now I'm thirty nine weeks pregnant and I feel as big as a house. I've spent the morning pottering around the house, cleaning and folding baby clothes so when Alison arrives I'm a sweaty mess.

"WOW look at you! Every time I think you can't get any bigger she blooms a little more. How are you doing Sweetie?" We walk into the living room and I make her a hot drink of coffee.

"I've been better. How are all of you guys?" Mainly Scott. Please tell me how Scott is. I want to say but don't.

"Oh you know, plodding along...Scott has been asking about you" She sips her drink oblivious to how important that piece of information is.

"He has?" I don't know what else to say to that.

"Of course...He cares about you so much Kallie. He will come around. He's just hurt that you couldn't be open with him" She gives me a sincere smile, the fact she never judges me amazes me it really does.

"I didn't hide it on purpose. It was a spur of the moment thing and I wasn't thinking with my head...I'm not going back to him Alison I promise. I wouldn't do that. It's just complicated that after all this time and everything that has happened. I still care for his well being, I shouldn't but I do" She takes my hands and gives it a gently squeeze.

"I understand Kallie, But Scott isn't as experienced as I am with this kind of thing. Give him a little grace. How did the meeting with him go?" She's always so kind to me even when I don't deserve it.

"Horrible, he asked me to marry him before knocking me onto the floor and getting dragged off me by guards" Her eyes go wide and she covers her open mouth with her hand. "Oh Sweetie I'm so sorry. Did he hurt you? Did he hurt the baby?" She asks.

"No. We were both okay. I landed pretty well thankfully. I really care about Scott. I never meant to hurt his feelings" My lip starts to wobble and everything I've held in over the last few weeks starts to tumble from my eyes.

"I'll talk to him again okay? I'll see what I can do but as his mother I have one request. Please...Please if you're not ready for him just tell him that. He's a good man. He doesn't deserve to be left in the lurch." I nod. She's right, he deserves so much more.

"Are you ready for the baby? Do you have everything you need?" She asks like the caring mother, like my own mother should ask but hasn't.

"Yeah I guess. I'm just nervous about giving birth on my own" I was going to ask my mum to be there when things were going well but I can't ask her now. She will make the nerves in there ten times worse.

"I could be there...If It's something you would want" She offers and I almost jump on her with a hug. She is one of the most calming people I've ever met. She would be the perfect birth partner I'm sure of it.I thank her profusely for offering and take her up on it and she says she's really excited to hold a tiny baby again because It's been so long. She's such a lovely woman and a natural mother. I only hope I turn out like half the woman she is.

I ask her why my mother would call her and tell her about me storming over there and she promises that's the first time they have spoken and that my mum was begging her to help me stay away from him. I'm not so angry at her now as I think she probably did have good intentions but still, she had no right. We say goodbye after another hour of talking and giving her a tour of the baby's room. She promises to try and get Scott to talk to me. I just hope that I hear from him soon because all of my texts and phone calls have been unanswered and I miss him.