Once Upon A Thought

That's All

I once wrote a letter to myself, where I asked my future self to not take him back.

I read it every day.

Did I listen?

No and look where I'm at now. I broke my own heart. I left him this time. I said goodbye.

His smile still lingers in my mind.

I tried talking to him. I tried reaching out in every way, so we could get through this. I wanted to get through this. We have come so far and I have never loved anyone like I love him.

He didn't respond.

Then he said, "I'm sorry."

That's all.

He was sorry.

Sorry for what?

Sorry for leaving time after time? Sorry for disappearing for days without a word? Sorry for not giving a reason, other than that's who he is? Or sorry I said something this time?

I should've never taken him back. I knew deep in my soul that he only caused me pain. I ignored that though, because sometimes love takes work. I never tried in the past, I gave up, but they weren't him.

No one is him.

Maybe that's the problem. I loved with everything I had, but for him...he allowed me to do that. He took it and couldn't give me the same in return.

He told me I could tell him anything. That he wants to help in anyway he can.

I broke down one night and told him all my worries.

No response.

I went on with my day and pretended nothing happened, until I brought it up later and he confessed he never received that message.

I believed him.

A week goes by, and something happens. Something that I wish would never happen. I'm hesitant to open up to him, even though all I want is to be comforted by him. So I tell him days later that I wanted to confide in him right away, but I was afraid of the response going unanswered and making it worse.

No response.

Everything I feared, he made true.

He doesn't care.

I love a man who can easily hurt me over and over again.

So, I left.

In the process of doing so, I broke my own heart.

Here I am laying in bed and there's a smile on my face.

He can't hurt me anymore.

I'm free.