There is no Redemption for A Scum Villain

Chapter 5

"Are you sure you will be alright sleeping alone?" Yue Qingyuan asked. The past few weeks, Shen Qingqiu had made a fuss every night that he did not want to sleep alone and now he offered it himself. Yue Qingyuan couldn't help but be a little worried. Maybe he had said something wrong after all. The most obvious explanation, that Shen Qingqiu felt bad after witnessing how Yue Qingyuan had needed Mu Qingfang to crack his spine back in place, never crossed his mind.

"I will. You have already done enough. Mu-shidi said you need to sleep comfortably, so I will have to be,” Shen Qingqiu said and smiled, "I should be. I'm already this old, I really should get used to sleeping alone."

That was something Yue Qingyuan himself had said, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. Shen Qingqiu had almost had some sort of panic attack today. However, it wasn't Yue Qingyuan's decision. How would it look if he was the one insisting on sharing a bed at night. Plus, it was probably not normal for two grown men to do that in the first place. It was a little weird. Yue Qingyuan pushed down his worry and nodded.

"Then... sleep well,” he said and both went to their rooms. It was odd for Yue Qingyuan to lay in an entirely quiet room again. His bed seemed unusually big, but now he could at least lay comfortably. A strange, hollow feeling spread in his chest nonetheless when he closed his eyes. He was still thinking about the conversation earlier. He had expected Shen Qingqiu to become angry and not to stay this calm and actually listen. Yue Qingyuan didn't think Shen Qingqiu to be unreasonable, but even he knew he was difficult. It filled him with an unexplainable happiness that he had not started to hate him too.

One might call it selfish that he was able to enjoy these little moments of happiness at last. At least he called it that. But after all this time he was feeling less and less able to be ashamed or to criticize himself for taking advantage of the circumstances like that. All it took was for Shen Qingqiu to smile or laugh and Yue Qingyuan was no longer capable of feeling gloomy. Although the thought that this wouldn't last longer than maybe a month hung heavily over his head like a blade, seeing his face light up again just made his heart skip a beat. And when he called him Qi-ge with excitement, because he had made a painting again that he was proud of. And when he worried about Yue Qingyuan visibly even for little things like him overworking himself. And when he just sat there, peacefully drawing or making little figures out of paper. Just remembering such things and may they be however little made his chest fill with warmth.

Yue Qingyuan scratched his chest right above his heart when he noticed it had started to beat a little faster. He thought this a strange occurrence, but he thought nothing of it. He got comfortable and tried falling asleep. He was extremely exhausted and had almost nodded off when he heard from the room next door how the bed was creaking slightly every now and then as if someone was tossing and turning around. Yue Qingyuan was immediately awake again. He had already feared that Shen Qingqiu would not be able to sleep that well, thus this was not unexpected.

Shen Qingqiu had said he wanted to get used to sleeping alone, so Yue Qingyuan was hesitant to just walk over. Although, Shen Qingqiu too had stated that it was for his sake as he didn't want his back to become bad again. In that case he would just be suffering sleep deprivation for his sake. Yue Qingyuan thought back and forth, but at last got up. He entered the sideroom and quietly called out to Shen Qingqiu.

"Oh... I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" he asked and sat up. He had not been able to fall asleep and neither had he found a good position to sleep in, causing him to roll from side to side on the bed, "You can go back to bed, I will try to lay still. If I can't sleep I'll just..."

He trailed off when Yue Qingyuan took a step closer. "It's better when I'm there, is it not?" he asked. It felt awkward, asking this question. What made him think that it was solely for him that Shen Qingqiu was able to sleep? Most certainly any other person would do. It was just that there was no other option. A strange feeling of displeasure rose in Yue Qingyuan when he imagined another person comforting Shen Qingqiu and accompanying him as he fell asleep, but he shook it off. He had no right to be upset about this. They were technically not even friends anymore, so what permitted him to be...what? Jealous?