There is no Redemption for A Scum Villain

Chapter 17

"What was it you wanted now?" Shen Qingqiu asked as he made his way through the thin fog towards Shen Jiu. Shen Jiu was looking away from him, his arms crossed.

"It's not me who wants something from you," Shen Jiu clarified and turned around, "It's the other way around."

Shen Qingqiu came to a halt. He looked at Shen Jiu's expression. He seemed like he was doing anything but joking. "I don't remember ever asking a favor of you."

"There's no need to ask. We are one. Remember?" Shen Jiu asked, then his expression grew grim, "Or at least that's how should be."

"Then what wish did my thoughts express?" Shen Qingqiu wanted to know.

Shen Jiu gave a short unamused laugh. "You don't even know yourself? You want to rid yourself of this feeling of ours."

"That's a horrible hobby you have, reading my mind," Shen Qingqiu replied. He didn't deny at all what Shen Jiu had said. This feeling confused him. He felt it made him weak. It made him emotional and irrational. He wasn't ashamed of wanting to get rid of it.

"You are treating this feeling as if it was a scourge!" Shen Jiu replied, raising his voice. He seemed to be not at all amused. "This feeling, it gave me wings. I finally felt so happy and you... Did it give you chains instead?"

"What a nice metaphor," Shen Qingqiu complimented sarcastically, "But yes, you're right. I'd feel a lot better if things were as before."

Shen Qingqiu thought that he already had Yue Qingyuan. He was his friend. If he gave up on those feelings, he wouldn't need to worry anymore whether the other might ever feel the same. He wouldn't need to have this confusion in him, this sudden fluttering of heart at a simple smile of that man.

Shen Jiu's face grew even more stern than before. There wasn't one thread of a smile on this face that was normally full of smiles. Suddenly he began looking a lot like...Shen Qingqiu.

"You want to rid yourself fully of it?" Shen Jiu asked.

"This feeling holds no value in this world. It doesn't make you more powerful. Why would I want it?" Shen Qingqiu replied.

Shen Jiu closed his eyes. "I understand..."

Suddenly Shen Qingqiu felt a sharp sting in his head and heart and then...nothing. There was absolutely nothing. "What have you done?!" Shen Qingqiu demanded to know.

"I took them back. All my memories and feelings. Are you not better now? Is this what you wanted?" Shen Jiu asked.

Shen Qingqiu stared at the other in disbelief. He raised his hand to his heart. The feeling was empty. It was cold. "Why the memories too?"

"The memories are inevitably tied to my feelings. If I didn't remove them, you wouldn't be able to get rid of them. How is it now? Is it better? Do you feel lighter?" Shen Jiu asked. There was a tinge of mockery in his tone.

Shen Qingqiu looked up. "I...I feel empty..."

Shen Jiu smiled. "Ah...do you now? Tell me. Was this the only reason you wanted to be rid of it? Just to be a little more concentrated and collected?"

"I don't want to worry every day if my feelings will be hitting a wall!" Shen Qingqiu replied. He was a little agitated. His heart hurt. It hurt so much.

"You don't know if he will love us back?" Shen Jiu asked, his voice becoming a little softer. He walked over to Shen Qingqiu and lowered his voice. "Do you not feel it? Right now..."

Shen Qingqiu looked at Shen Jiu, then he noticed it. A slight feeling of warmth. From the outside. Shen Qingqiu felt the sensation of warm, strong arms wrapped around him. His eyes flew shut. Warm breath ruffled his hair and he could hear a heart beat next to his ear. If he concentrated enough he was even able to make out that scent. That oh so calming scent. His scent. Shen Qingqiu stretched out his arms as if to embrace someone. Yet, obviously, he came up empty. In embarrassment he opened his eyes.