The Strength of a High and Noble Hill (An Outlander Story)

Chapter 6: A Fish Out of Water

Brian has always felt like an outsider in Boston. Some would argue it's his English roots that make him feel alien despite arriving in the US at a young age. Brian knows that isn't what it is as he squirms in the school uniform he's been told to dress in. There's something about the modern world around him that doesn't feel right, which means Brian can't connect with his fellow students. He doesn't feel like he belongs.

"You look lovely, darling." His mother says, walking over and giving him a brief look over before smiling at him.

"It doesn't feel right, Mama." Brian says. "Nothing feels right here."

Mama's smile dims. "I know, darling. I know." She strokes his face softly.

——

1958

Brian watches from afar as he takes in the awkwardness between his parents, Claire and Frank, as Ellen asks for them to pose together for their photograph after their mother had posed with fellow new Doctor, Joe Abernathy.

Brian knows his sister hasn't noticed the disintegration between the two adults. Brian, since he's always been more aware than a child his age usually is, has known that their relationship hasn't been right for as long as he can remember. He remembers that whenever Dad would touch her, Mama would flinch and how at night, when they think Ellen and Brian are asleep, they would argue. Brian would sit at the top of the stairs, listening to the rows with tears in his eyes.

His parents' marriage is one where both of them seem to be leading largely separate lives; Mama had focused on completing medical school to become a surgeon, and Dad has been out of the house, spending time elsewhere. Brian has heard his mother suggest that they file for divorce, but Dad had refused, for fear that he would never see Brian and Ellen again.

Brian can't remember everything of his life but there's something always at the back of his mind that makes him feel like he's been here before, which would explain the whole being more mature than his own age but it's also as if this life he's currently living is a lie, something more, as if there's been more to this life than he remembers. His mother is also seemingly living a lie.

Just like him, Mama hasn't been comfortable with the 20th century and hasn't moved through it with the ease Dad and Ellen do. Brian recalls when Mama would cook over the fire instead of the stove, saying she prefers it and Brian hadn't complained. It all came to an end when Dad had come home early and caught them. He immediately pulled Brian away from the fire and berated Mama for letting Brian get so close to the fire. Mama had argued back, saying she'd done nothing wrong. Brian had been confused about what was going on but he'd immediately noticed how upset his mother id and knew that wasn't right. He had immediately fought against Dad's hold and then ran over to comfort his mother once he'd been let down.

Brian frowns as he watches Frank talk to a woman who'd suddenly appeared at the party with Mama ushering everyone out of the house. He and his Dad have always got along fine but there's always been a lack of proper connection between the two of them, the opposite to each of their relationships with Ellen, but it's okay because Brian has always had Mama. Dad is never pleased with how close they are, saying a man shouldn't be this attached to his mother but Brian ignores him as he does with most things his Dad complains about.

——

A/N: I chose Ellen to be Brianna's first name in this as it was her middle name in cannon and it wouldn't make sense for Claire to name her after Jamie's father when they already have a child named after him. Brianna's new and full name is Ellen Julia Randall (plus Fraser).

For Brian, the memories of his 18th century life are going to linger, like a dream, which hopefully will come across in his interactions with people. Also, that vague feeling of feeling that you've been here before but the only evidence you have is a vague feeling was inspired by Life After Life by Kate Atkinson (great book to read about a girl being reincarnated). There was a BBC mini-series adaptation last year.