The Strength of a High and Noble Hill (An Outlander Story)

Chapter 58: Saying Goodbye

"...a shared grief, a painful and tacit camaraderie... the distressing realisation that it's time to say goodbye."

— Claire Fraser

♪ There'll be nae more liltin' ♪

♪ Nae laughin' or kissin' ♪

♪ Go in peace and ♪

♪ Leave us to grieve ♪

♪ Sighin' and moanin' ♪

♪ On ilka green loanin' ♪

♪ The flowers of the forest ♪

♪ Are all wede away ♪

Brian closes his eyes tightly as Jocasta's soft words wash over him. Her voice carries through the wind. Her voice is strong despite the pained words of the Scottish folk song that flow out of her mouth, a hauntingly beautiful lament to a fallen soldier. Being a proud Scot and a Mackenzie, she appears tall and composed but they all can see that she is broken inside. Brian feels sorry for his aunt. To not truly be able to express her feelings openly because she and Murtagh were not husband and wife. Murtagh had been the love of her life, though she would never speak that out loud. As a woman of the time, married to another man, it would be inappropriate for her.

Murtagh was buried the same day they all returned from Hillsborough. They had to wait a couple of months for Murtagh's funeral for the heat of Alamance to fade a bit and for Jocasta, along with Ulysses, to travel from River Run to the Ridge to say goodbye. Da had sent word of Murtagh's death to his aunt, and she apparently had left River Run to come to Fraser's Ridge before the end of that same day. It was small. Only Jocasta and Ulysses, Da and Mama, Marsali and Fergus, Lizzie, Ellen and Roger and Brian, ready to say goodbye to an old friend.

Though he's avoided leaving his room in the Big House, especially the house itself, as much as he could get away with, Brian had decided to join everyone for Murtagh's funeral. Still, he keeps to himself; not saying a word while his mind focuses on the funeral before quickly shifting to the memories of the attack. He knows his family has noticed, as he can't hide how his body tenses and shakes intermittently.

All those present stand solemnly, their heads down as a sign of mourning. Emotions are vivid because each of them suffers, each in their own way, from the atrocious mental wounds inflicted by grief. Mama leans over to add a stone to the cairn that Da built near the mound of earth under which Murtagh's body rests.

"Rest in peace." Mama murmurs.

Like Mama, some other members of the group add stones to the cairn. Once Brian places his, Ellen reaches over, trying to grab his hand, but he flinches once more. His heart breaks at the way his sister's face drops. His mouth parts as if to apologise, but then he sees the hope in her eyes and quickly shuts it. He can't stand it, nor can he stand the sympathy and guilt in Roger's. Brian strides away from the family plot quickly and rushes back to the house.

——

Jocasta stays a week longer after. She, like Brian, tries to be around as few people while she stays if she can help it. She and Da spend the days together, mainly at Murtagh's grave. Brian would see them standing silently side by side. If they do speak, it is very softly to one another, but mainly they recite prayers or hymns.

——

July 1744

Murtagh takes a few tentative steps into the room to see Claire gently rocking a small bundle. Fergus sits next to her, intently watching over her shoulder and waving a silver rattle at the bundle. Murtagh's just returned from Portugal where he's spent the last couple of months reselling Prince Charles' wine shipment, which will hopefully prevent the rising.

The floorboards creak under his feet, causing Claire to look up. The smile on her face is strained. Suzette has already told him how the baby's been fighting against the odds and how Claire's been losing sleep as she diligently watches over him.

"Suzette said ye and the bairn were settlin' in." He says, his attention drifting between Claire and the babe in her arms.

Claire rises, protectively clutching the bairn – Brian, Suzette had told him – across her chest. "There's a new Fraser for you to meet." She says as she brings Brian closer to a dubious Murtagh. Fergus quickly follows, hovering worriedly. "Do you want to hold him?" She asks.

Murtagh hears Fergus let out an amused snort just as the former answers the question with an unfiltered, terrified expression that flitters across his face.

"What's wrong, blaireau? You are not able to hold la petite miraculée?" Fergus quips.

"What did ye call me, ye wee shite?" Murtagh demands of Fergus.

"Did you miss me, vieille foulque malodorante?" Fergus asks him instead, and Claire quietly snorts with laughter.

"Not a chance." Murtagh retorts, ruffling the young lad's hair. "And I have held bairns before." He feels offended at the assumption. "His Da fer one."

Fergus watches him closely with a protective stare as Claire holds Brian out for Murtagh to take. Murtagh pauses to wipe his hands on his kilt (despite having cleaned his hands in the basin that Claire has insisted everyone clean their hands in before touching the bairn) before raising them to take the babe. Brian stares up at him with his Da's slanted blue eyes and his face puckers, a whimper escaping his quivering lip. Murtagh freezes with Brian in his arms, the lad working up to a wail.

"I think it's your beard," Claire explains, interceding. She takes Brian from Murtagh – the lad calms in his mother's arms – and brings him back towards Murtagh. Claire shifts Brian in her arms and takes hold of the little hand. Brian quickly wraps his fingers around Claire's. She guides the little fingers out until they can just brush against Murtagh's bushy beard, using the back of Brian's hand to pet it slowly. "See. It's all right. It's soft." She coos.

Murtagh remains still as a statue as Claire places Brian back into his arms until he feels Brian relax as the fear fades. "He truly is such a bonny wee laddie. Jamie's lad, and he's the spit of him." He says with a grin.

Brian eyes Murtagh suspiciously with a strange alertness for a two-month-old. His small hand reaches out of his blankets towards Murtagh's face. Jamie's Godfather watches intently as the fingers burrow into his beard then... tug!

"Arrgghh. Och ye diabhal beag!" He cries to Claire and Fergus' amusement.

——

A/N: The song Jocasta was singing is entitled "Flowers of the Forest," it is an old Scottish folk tune commemorating the defeat of the Scots at the Battle of Flodden in 1513. In modern-day Scotland, it is commonly played at funerals and memorial services.

Diabhal beag = little devil

Blaireau = literal translation is badger or a shaving brush but as an insult, it's similar to calling someone an asshole in English.

La petite miraculée = the little miracle

Vieille foulque malodorante = smelly old coot