The Strength of a High and Noble Hill (An Outlander Story)

Chapter 43: Baggage Weighs You Down

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has voted on chapters, commented and added this story to their reading lists.

——

"I never thought you heard," Mama murmurs later on after everything has calmed down and is under control once more.

The Browns were angry when they later realised that Alicia and Isaiah were gone and they were slightly suspicious about the Fraser/Mackenzie involvement in it all but could not do anything, they made their vow.

Brian turns from where he's been staring out into the bustling activity of Brownsville to his mother who sits next to him on the steps of the general store's porch. Everyone's packing. They're leaving, all of them, leaving Brownsville. Their job has been done at Brownsville so they must move on though not all together.

Keziah and Josiah Beardsley are unwell. Tonsillitis. The signs are there. Keziah is experiencing a high fever, and his tongue has the putrid bacterial smell of the infected mucous membranes. Josiah is experiencing an off-and-on again sore throat.

Mama needs to operate on them soon and to do that, she needs to get to the ridge to where Marsali is hopefully waiting with penicillin so the plan is for Mama to leave with the twins and return to the ridge. Roger is to join them for the journey back while Da, Brian and Fergus head to Hillsborough along with the militia.

Brian knows his Da is disappointed with Roger, for how he behaved as Brian's second. He knows that Roger takes this to heart, being sent away to protect a woman who can protect herself, but Brian thinks it's also for the best. Roger's good with comforting people, and telling stories, he'll be good company for the young twins.

"Neither of you were very quiet." He remarks dryly to her as he continues to pack.

Mama winces sympathetically with a layer of shame, reaching out to grasp Brian's hand which he accepts. "I was unhappy but I never wanted you or Ellen to experience it. To feel unloved. He did love you."

Brian wrinkles his nose. "Not truly, not in the way he did with Ellen. I was always another man's child to him."

"He tried, you know he did." Mama argues.

"I think that was the problem." Brian says, thinking how Dad's attempts only ever drove a further divide in their relationship. "It makes me think though."

Mama frowns. "About what?"

"Children. About whether I'd be any good at it, being a father." Brian admits, not daring to look at her, staring straight ahead.

Mama grips his hand more tightly, shaking them just as he knows she's shaking her head. "You don't know that. You'll be an amazing father."

"You don't know that either." He says, turning to look at her. "Dad and I could never build that bond. Da, he– he never got to truly raise any of us and he's only able to be a father to me late in life and he struggles. I don't know example of a father bring up a child successfully. I just can't help but think I carry too much baggage."

Mama opens her mouth to retort before closing it, not knowing what to say then Brian sees what reads to be the Woolam's Creek's Gazette clasped in Mama's hands. He knows Woolam's Creek to be a small but growing settlement at the base of Fraser's Ridge. While the Woolams, a local Quaker family, own the mill there, and the land on the far side of the creek, Da owns all of the land on the Ridge side.

"Why do you have that?" He questions. There's something in the way she's clinging to it as if it might disappear if she relaxes her grip.

Mama says nothing and hands it over to him. Brian's eyes are drawn to the familiar words. The title of the article reads 'Dr. Rawlings recommends.' It is there in black and white. Oh God.

"Uh, where did you get this?" He asks as his eyes take in his mother's words written out on the page.

"The Brown women had it." Mama softly replies.

"But, how? I thought it wasn't meant to go any further than the ridge?"

"It was Fergus." Mama then quickly continues when Brian begins to turn, wanting to find his brother, to demand what he was thinking, "The paper he'd sent to the printer, for the militia, this must've been written on the other side. It's the same printer."

Oh.

"I worry it might get them into trouble, but your father's dismissing it for now. Says there's no trouble unless someone comes looking for me." Mama says.

"Maybe he's right?" Brian responds, hopeful.

"Christ, I do hope so."

——

A/N: Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.