The Strength of a High and Noble Hill (An Outlander Story)

Chapter 11: The Loss of Hope

The initial hope of finding Jamie is soon dashed. Brian, Ellen and Mama unite to find Jamie with the help of Roger. Brian enjoys this time, not only the hope of finding out about his real father but spending time with his mother, sister and new friend. He knows Ellen and Mama haven't always been that close. It'd always been two camps, Brian and Mama in one and Dad and Ellen in the other. But now the truth is out, Brian can see that the invisible wall between mother and daughter has come down.

They begin by poring over 18th century ledgers to try and find where Jamie went after Culloden. They discover a record of him at Ardsmuir Prison, however, they discover that Ardsmuir closed, and cannot find any record of his transfer. They initially hope that ship records will indicate where Jamie went but they soon realise that the dates are wrong and that it can't be him.

Mama bends over and lets out a sob. Brian frowns as sits down next to her, wrapping an arm around her. She turns her head and sobs into his shoulder.

"It's hopeless. I can't find him." Her voice cracks.

Brian rubs her arm. "You don't know that, Mama."

Mama lifts her head to look at him. "But where else can we look? How can we know what happened after Ardsmuir?"

Brian doesn't answer as he doesn't know himself. All that hope of finding out about what happened to his birth father, learning what happened more for his mother's sake than his own, is now faded.

He looks up to see Ellen and Roger's despondent faces. What do they do now?

——

1764

Jamie gazes upon his son as he sits astride the pony that Jamie himself guides about the grounds of Helwater. He thinks of his other son, Brian, he'd be twenty by now, a man. Jamie can only imagine what he's like now. Jamie hopes he, Claire and his sibling are all safe and well.

He wonders how Brian has matured, and what his interests are. Jamie wonders if he can play chess or perhaps a 20th century game he won't understand. Is he a good older brother to his younger sibling? Do they get on well?

Jamie wonders if he and Claire had another son or if it was a daughter. They'd be eighteen. Jamie hopes they are well too and thriving. He wonders what their features are. Did they take after him or Claire or do they favour both?

Sometimes he passes a thought to Frank. He wonders what Claire would've told him, did he accept Claire, Brian and the unborn babe? Is he a father to Jamie's children? He tries not to have thoughts on whether he's being a better father to Jamie's own kids than Jamie would ever be because how would he know? Frank is in the future with the option to be a father to the children while Jamie is stuck in the past, unable to see them, to see them grow.

He moves from his thoughts to gaze upon Willie once more. "Now, keep yer back straight."

Willie nods with a determined face, one that reflects Jamie's. "I am Mac!"

Jamie chuckles at his son's tone. "Aye, yer are." Never would he have thought he'd have a son who's an English Lord.

His smile drops as he realises it's no longer safe for him to stay here, particularly for Willie. Too many people are already pointing out the similarities between the two of them and Jamie feels it's time to go back to Lallybroch and start anew as best he can.

——

A/N: Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.