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It's been three days and i haven't spoken to or seen Keilan since that night. The times i go to the studio i only work with dre and i've been exploring and working with other producers as well. Not because I haven't seen him....but for a change.
I honestly didn't expect for this to be the outcome of what happened. Only reason why i was mad and frustrated at him because i wasn't trying to argue and I felt like because of his responses, that's what it turned into. Plus i didn't like how he was driving crazy, anything could've happened no matter how much he thought he was in control.
And on top of that, I haven't spoken to my mother either. I just feel like with her being the parent and because she was in the wrong she should be the one to reach out to me first but let her tell it that i'm childish for thinking that way.
I can admit that i did express myself wrong by yelling and cussing, that's not gonna get me anywhere if that's how i handle conflict.
This why i just be wanting to shut up at times when i have to explain how something makes me feel. Keilan told me he was different but when it came down to me doing just that, it turned into an argument.
"Earth to Serayahhhh." Trina waved her hands in my face.
"Sorry, did you say something?" I snapped out of my thoughts. We were at smoothie king but because we didn't have anything to do we were just sitting down.
"You good? You look so....drained." She said.
"Thanks for letting me know." I did a tight lip smile.
"Sorry i'm just observing, what's wrong?" She asked and i sighed.
"Do you think i'm childish and selfish?" I asked. "Like the way i handle certain situations you think i'm childish?" I asked.
"No, not at all. Your feelings are just really delicate and when someone makes you feel a way you explode then the next day it's just fuck them." She shrugged taking a sip of her snoothie. "Like if someone does something to you, at first you'll wanna constantly know why then it turns into you not caring if y'all talk. If they don't talk to you, you just won't force it." She said.
"But that's not being childish." She shrugged.
"I don't know, i hear enough about being the bigger person but sometimes with the situations i be in being the bigger person makes me feel like a punk." I took the top off my cup. "But I guess it be like that sometimes." I stirred my straw around.
"Girl no the fuck it don't be like that sometimes. If you know it's not your fault you don't gotta be the bigger person if they ain't reaching out and they know they in the wrong clearly they the fucking problem in the first place." She snapped.
"But i can say it's different if it's 50/50 and both at fault." She said as her eyes moved in the direction of a girl walking by.
