What Might Have Been (A Songs of War Fanfiction)

Part Six, Guilt. Chapter Four.

Guys, do you have any anti-angry-reader spray? I've run out and I desperately need more.

6/4/23 Edit: Art for this Part added!!

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It happened. The one thing he had prayed to the gods would never happen – but they must have been deaf to his pleas. They didn't listen. Instead, he was forced to watch – to watch helplessly - as his whole world crumbled to ashes.

And he couldn't prevent it.

He never saw it coming. Never saw the arrow that could slip between the chinks of his life's armour. Never saw the sword that could slash his soul to pieces. Never saw the shield he hadn't time to create – the shield that could have changed everything but didn't.

Why?

Because he was weak. That's why.

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"Rally the soldiers, Tygren!" Senn commands, unsheathing Voltar. He feels the sceptre hum with anger at all the lives lost from his clan; he shares that anger. His clan has been hurt so much, not just in this war but in previous conflicts also. Senn feels no guilt in avenging those members of his clan, but does feel guilt for the lives he is taking. He never wanted this, but he knows he has to accept it. He knows he has to accept his role in this war.

Ria understands – he knows that now. Their moments together in the cave have convinced him that she doesn't blame him for anything that has happened in this war, that she still cares for him. And though neither of them said anything on one particular matter, Senn can feel something growing inside of him. A strange emotion that seems almost alien to him. A peculiar feeling he hasn't felt since, well... since the peaceful times in Sendaria that seem so long ago. It seems odd that merely three months have passed since the attack that started the war.

He doesn't know what this feeling is, but he knows what it means. A familiar tingle in his blood at the touch of her hand. A familiar quickening of his heart at her soft, kind voice. A familiar sensation of his face warming at her gaze.

Why is he feeling like this all of a sudden? Why is it all coming back to him now, when he needs to concentrate on his duties as master of the Voltaris? Why is he beginning to feel more than just friendship towards her?

Friendship.

They shouldn't even be friends. They shouldn't even know each other as more than targets on the battlefield, as sworn, bitter enemies. But Senn is glad they do. Every word he said to her in that cave is true – he cares for her, he really does. She is what he's hanging onto in this war. He needs her.

Senn sighs wistfully and holds Voltar up in front of him with a sense of confusion and doubt that grows heavier every day. Is fighting really the answer? Is it really right to ally with the Nether?

Yes, he tells himself. If you had refused the alliance Pythus would have simply destroyed your clan without a second thought. Without the alliance you are merely another thorn in his side.

"They're rallied and ready, Senn." Tygren's voice shatters his thoughts and he turns, schooling his face into a calm, collected mask.

"Good," he replies. Tygren nods and turns, but Senn calls to him suddenly. "Tygren, can I speak with you?" The elder Voltaris nods and walks to his side.

"What is it?" he asks. "I can tell something is troubling you." Senn sighs again.

"What is your view on your alliance with the Nether?" he questions. Tygren frowns.