My Hero

Chapter 53

Ruins. My whole life, my home, and wherever I looked, everything was in ruins. Ruins and blood. Bodies scattered everywhere. Even after all I had been through, I was still terrified out of my mind. I had no idea where most of the survey corps were. We got separated when Reiner breached the wall. I had to transform...now! But I couldn't. I needed to follow Erwin's orders. I escaped yet another rock, thrown by the Beast Titan. That was such a close call! For now, I had to try and reach higher ground and regroup with the rest. What was left of the houses served as a shield against the debris that flew my way constantly. Whoever was inside that Beast Titan, I would like to see him in my position!

"Fuck!" I couldn't help cursing loudly when a larger rock almost split me in half. It ended up scraping my right side and leg hard. "You won't have my life that easily!" I shouted, my words aimed towards the Beast Titan, though it was impossible for him to hear them.

It's alright. I would tell him in person pretty soon, when I get the chance to do so. I finally made it to the top of the wall, where I was met with the two blue eyes of comfort, or at least I thought I would be.

"Captain? Where is Commander Smith??"

"Good, you're alive. The Survey Corps are fighting the Armored Titan."

"I will join them immediately."

"No, you stay here! Erwin's orders."

"Where is Commander Smith?" I asked once more. My question was this time welcomed with silence. "Captain!"

"Watch your tone. Tch, who taught you manners? What happened to you?"

I followed his gaze, and that was when I realized I was bleeding where the rock had grazed me.

"I'm alright. The wounds will heal soon."

"Erwin put me in charge for the time being. Stay still until he comes back."

"Comes back from where?" I asked impatiently.

Why exactly were we playing this game??

"There is no need for you to know that."

"I swear, Captain! If I don't get an answer from you, I will go look for him myself!"

He grabbed me by the collar. "Follow your orders! Do not make me repeat myself."

"I have the right to know!" I met his gaze, my eyes not wavering for a second.

"You've grown some big balls. Erwin went ahead to play bait for the Beast Titan."

"What...?" My attitude did a 180-degree turn. Panic rose from deep within.

"Don't you dare run after him!" The captain secured his hold on me, having read my thoughts with utmost precision. "He put his trust in you. You owe him just as much!"

I wanted to protest; oh, how strongly I wished I could protest, but I knew he was right. Curse him for being right! Curse Erwin for going to such extremes! Curse this never-ending loop of pain and battles to be fought!

"Yes...Sir..." My barely audible words reach no one, as a surprise attack causes us both to retreat from our positions. Another series of rocks crashing everywhere, threatening to end a person with a single point of contact. Is this how it ends? In this unfair chaos? Over my dead body, it does! "What is your command, Captain?" I shouted over another loud crash.

"We need to secure the armored titan." Captain Levi answered me from his own refuge. "The colossal titan would surely show up if we gave him his friend on a silver platter."

He was probably right. Wherever Reiner went, Bertolt would follow, and vice versa. Them being separated was only temporary and a not so successful attempt to fool us.

"Lead the way, Captain!" I expected him to insist further on Erwin's orders, but I was wrong.

We escaped a series of life-threatening projectiles and headed to the next challenge on our ever-so-thorny path of existence.

---

Erwin Smith's suicidal group wasn't doing so well. More than half of it had already met its doom at the hands of the beast titan and his sadistic ball game. That was their purpose from the very beginning, either way. They were merely a distraction and a source of time for the rest, who were fighting inside the wall. That time, however, was running thin. Erwin feared they wouldn't be enough.

'Just a little bit longer.' He thought of Desi and Levi. If it were up to them, they could make it. That's why they needed him—they needed the commander to buy them the time to secure a victory. And that he would, even if it were the last thing he ever did during his lifetime. He had already accepted that much. He had prepared himself. As far as he was concerned, Erwin was a dead man riding.

---

"Forgive me, Reiner!" I saw my opening when he was preoccupied with Eren's titan form. I clutched Hanji-san's new weapon in my trembling hand and dove down, until I drove it as deep inside the armored titan's nape as I could. I then made my escape, as did Eren and the rest of the scouts around. It was a quiet but powerful explosion. I didn't dare look at the hole I had created myself. I refused to see what state Reiner was currently in. My newfound cruelty didn't spread that far.

'It's all for Erwin.' I repeated to myself once more. That had become my new chant. It was no longer humanity. It was for Erwin, as he was my humanity—the thread of normalcy that still connected me to other humans. If it was for him, I was capable of anything. Even murder, as it seemed. A thought that didn't bother me as much as it did before. It wasn't only my body that changed with becoming a titan. My mind was slowly being corroded, stripped of its mortality, of all the unnecessary sentiments. I wish I could say I was different. I wish I could say it won't have any effect on me. But it already did. It was already working its mysterious ways to craft me as I should be—a killing machine. Slowly, but surely.