My Hero

Chapter 44

We headed for the mountains. Our ride was mostly quiet, which provided me with a perfect opportunity to enjoy the beauty of nature around us. Because of the kind of life, I've had so far, I quickly learned to enjoy the simple things. I wondered if the same applied for the commander. My curiosity was peaked, so I voiced my question. "Erwin, do you enjoy these peaceful moments? Actually, now that I think about it, I've never asked you what kind of things you enjoy in your life. It's silly, how little I actually know about you outside of your position in the military."

The commander smiled at me. "Don't worry about such trivial matters, my dear. This is the world we live in, and sadly, it revolves mainly around titans."

"But I still want to know more about you!" A tinge of guilt ran through my body. I was filled with all of these feelings for someone I didn't even know well enough. So foolish.

'That's why I need to learn more about the person, Erwin Smith.'

In my distraction, the man in question stole a brief kiss from me.

"You are deep in thought once more, Desi."

"E-Erwin, someone might see us!"

"I don't mind. And if you want to learn more about me, feel free to ask. I'll make sure to answer your questions."

"Hmm, in that case, what are your dreams, Erwin? Is there something you want more than anything?"

The commander grew silent for a bit. I couldn't read his expression. He was weighing his words carefully, it seemed. Made me wonder what could be so hard to vocalize.

"My dreams, huh...?" A short pause. "I do have one." I listened carefully to the commander's words. They flowed slowly, each one of them in a tone that suggested a big secret was being revealed. "When I was very young, my father was killed because of me." An unsettling feeling awakened in the pit of my stomach. "You see; he was a teacher—a very smart person. He had his own theory about our world, and one night he shared it with me. I was absorbing every single word he uttered. Honestly, I was very fascinated. In fact, in the end, my very fascination turned out to be his demise." The commander grew silent once more. I could imagine the painful thoughts going through him.

"It's alright if you don't wish to say anymore. I don't want you to go back to such painful memories."

"No, it's okay; I will continue my story. Back then, I was just a foolish, and naïve kid. I thought my father's theories and ideas were too special to be kept secret, and everyone else needs to learn them as well. So I told the rest of the class. They probably told their parents as well, because the next day my father was arrested and killed for treason. Afterwards, I made a decision and enrolled in the military."

"Erwin..." What should I even say? I had no idea. He was only a child and had to carry such a big weight on his shoulders.

"At the same time, I made it my life's mission to realize my father's dream. That's the least I can do for him. I hope that this way I'll be forgiven. Wait, why are you crying, Desi?" Erwin stopped the horse.

"I can't help it!!" I bit my lips in embarrassment and looked down. Of course I would cry! My heart swelled in pain for Erwin. I actually felt lucky to have lost my memory.

"Please don't cry; otherwise, I might cry as well."

"No! I'm sorry, I'll stop." I tried my best to wipe the tears away. Erwin took a hold of my face and lifted it up so I could look at him.

"Hey, you don't need to cry for my sake. I don't want that, and I don't need it. The last thing I desire is to see you cry because of me. I only want to see your beautiful smile. Will you do that for me, my dear girl?"

"Of course!" I managed a smile. I wasn't sure how successful it actually was, but the commander seemed satisfied.

"That's better."

"Erwin..." I grabbed his hands in mine. "I promise... I promise that I will do everything in my power to help your dream come true. I will work hard and learn everything I can about my power. I hope... No, I'm sure we can take Wall Maria back. No matter what task you require of me, I will do my best."

---

Desi's words filled Erwin Smith with resentment toward himself. He felt like a hypocrite. How could he betray the one person who was willing to sacrifice herself completely for his sake? Her intentions were pure, while his own were clouded by the only desire that had moved his life so far. Desi didn't deserve to be lied to. But the truth was a luxury that Erwin Smith wasn't ready for. He was afraid he might lose her if she ever learned of his true nature. Of course, there was no way he could be completely certain of her reaction, but he refused to take such a risk. As much as she cared for him—and that was a lot—he knew that every person had a breaking point. "I appreciate your efforts, my dear, but you don't need to do all of this for me. You should do it for yourself and follow your own goals. I don't want you to regret your choices because you made them for someone else..."

"I don't regret anything, and I never will. So, please don't say such things anymore, Erwin."

In Desi's eyes, he could see a confirmation of her words, which were also filled with determination.

'Yes, definitely similar to Levi.'

---

A broad smile made its way onto the commander's lips, and I felt the tension finally leave his body.

"Maybe you should be the commander instead of me."

"Oh, no, I don't think I can handle a position like that. At least not any time soon; I still have a lot to learn. 'If I even live that long', I thought to myself.

We were moving once more, and I could already spot the mountains. I actually saw smoke coming from that same direction. "It seems like Hanji-san and Eren have already started."

"I'm not even a bit surprised. This is Hanji we're talking about, after all."

I chuckled slightly. Once we arrived, I was greeted by a Hanji-san who seemed more enthusiastic than usual, and I was curious to learn why. She called out to us.

"Hey, you two, you need to see this!"

And she gestured for us to follow her. I got off the horse and moved in the direction of the smoke we saw on our way. It was already dispersing, and I finally noticed what she was pointing at.

"Oh, my, he did it!" I turned to Erwin. "Erw..." I cleared my throat. "Commander! Eren did it! He succeeded in hardening his titan!"