My Hero

Chapter 47

"One more time!" I fought with the overbearing fatigue. My whole body was drenched in sweat, making my clothes stick to me in an unpleasant way, but I wasn't done yet. I wasn't ready to call it a day. I refused to give up while I still had any strength left.

"That's more than enough, Desi." Hanji-san tried to stop me, but I ignored her and her attempt and summoned my titan form once more. I flinched in pain once the blade cut through my arm. Every single time, it got much easier to deal with. However, nothing happened. I threw the blade away in frustration and plopped down on the grass.

"You can take a break once in a while, you know." Eren approached and sat down next to me. I paid him no mind and instead stared into space, all kinds of thoughts occupying my mind. I felt something drip down to my lips. Eren extended a hand and wiped the blood away. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

I flinched from the sudden contact and slapped his hand away. I let out a disgruntled sigh and stood up. "Just leave me alone." I slipped into my tent and grabbed my gear. If I couldn't train there, I might as well work on my 3D maneuver gear skills.

"Desi, please, at least rest for a bit. You haven't taken any breaks since early in the morning..."

"I'm fine." I answered Hanji-san and disappeared into the forest.

---

"Tsk, what's gotten into her??" This was the first time Eren had seen Desi act this rashly. It looked like she was literally trying to destroy herself.

"Guess she's got a lot on her mind..." Hanji's gaze followed Desi until she could no longer see her. She was visibly worried for the girl.

---

I made my way to the training grounds. Everyone should have been having lunch, so that gave me at least an hour to train in peace. Or so I thought.

"What are you doing here?"

I swore under my breath. I just wanted to be alone. Was that too much to ask for??

"I asked you something, Desi."

"I came here to train, that's all."

"You know very well you can't use the training grounds without my permission."

"Yes, I am aware, Captain." I let out a loud sigh. "Can I train while the others are having lunch?"

"No."

I clicked my tongue in annoyance. "What's the big deal?? It's not like I'm bothering anyone."

"I don't like your tone, Desi. I suggest you watch your words."

"Or what?? You're gonna beat me up?? Kick me out of the Survey Corps?? Give me to the Military Police?? I couldn't care less what happens to me!!"

I expected the Captain to at least get angry, but that doesn't happen. He studied my face in silence, which after a while was making me feel quite uncomfortable.

"What happened to Erwin is not your fault."

"What...?"

"You really think I don't know what's going through your mind?"

"I..." But the words escaped me. I bit my lips, trying hard to suppress the tears that were threatening to overwhelm me. Like that would work. I fell down on my knees, the tears pooling in my eyes. "If only I was faster..." I clenched my shaking hands into fists. "If only I had noticed the Titan earlier..."

"If only Titans were vegetarians, we would be having the time of our lives." I couldn't help but laugh at the captain's comment, which in combination with my tear-stained face probably resembled something close to a complete maniac. I tried my best to wipe the tears away. "Look, Desi..." The Captain sat down next to me. Up close, he really was as small as me. It was kind of cute. "When I lost my squad, I blamed myself for being an incompetent leader. I took full responsibility for their deaths, even when I knew I shouldn't have. They looked up to me, stood by my side with pride, and I let them down."