My Hero

Chapter 42

We were given one month to prepare for the mission to reclaim Wall Maria. We would use the given time to train our titan abilities. Both I and Eren were new to that, so we had a long way to go. Once we were released, Hanji-san didn't waste any time and used the opportunity to steal us away for experiments and special training with her. I still haven't had the chance to be alone with the commander. I missed him a lot, but I guess I would have to be patient for the time being. There were more important things to take care of than living out my love story. Besides, it wasn't like I even had time to think about that—Hanji-san was obsessed with figuring out whether our titans can harden their skin like the Female Titan and Armored Titan, not to mention the way she looked at the crystal-like skin of my Titan. She even gave me a pet name: The Diamond Titan. I didn't mind it too much, but it sounded a bit too flashy. When I tried to tell her that, she looked so upset and said stuff like, "Nonsense! It fits you perfectly! Don't tell me you can't accept the lovely Titan name I gave you!" Yeah. Winning against her was a mirage.

My current circumstances still felt like a very weird dream. I had a hard time believing I had this power inside of me all along. I could have saved so many people from dying... Hmm, but to be honest, I had no clue how long I've had it or why exactly I, of all people, would possess such abilities. How does one even end up as a titan-shifter? Was it something we acquired or carried in our genes...? No, that was impossible.

My thoughts shifted back to the frightening dream I had recently. Eren had a similar dream, didn't he? One, in which he was turned into a titan. But in my dream, I was just a spectator, even if the little girl seemed awfully familiar to me. The only possibility I could think of was me being that young girl, but due to my memory loss, I didn't recognize myself. But even if that were true, it didn't make any sense, because the man she called "Daddy", I had no memory of him. He wasn't my father, or at least I didn't think so. Judging from the very few memories I had of him, he looked completely different.

Argh!! My head was a complete mess! I wish I could finally remember everything instead of just bits and pieces, so I could stop wandering around random facts and put all the puzzle pieces together.

"Hey, Desi, you will ruin your face if you keep frowning like this."

"Huh?" Oh, yeah. My mind finally returned to reality. We were up in the mountains. It was secluded, and we were far from any prying eyes or people who couldn't stand the sight of us. Hanji-san gave me and Eren a bit of rest, so we can recover our strength for the next transformation. He was so tired that he laid down for a short nap. I wish I could do the same, but my mind was way too preoccupied. I was sitting down, looking into the distance, lost in my own thoughts. "Ah, Hanji-san, I'm sorry. I think I spaced out for a bit."

"You have been doing that often today." I smiled nervously. "You know, you can always tell me if anything is bothering you."

"I know, Hanji-san, and I am grateful, but there's just so much going on in my mind. I'm not even sure what's going to happen to me from now on, and I'm not even certain whether or not I can meet everyone's expectations. What the Commander wants from me and Eren... I don't think I can manage it."

Hanji-san placed her hands on my shoulders. "Desi, I believe in you and Eren. The commander does as well, and that's exactly why he entrusted you both with this mission. Even Levi put his trust in you, and you know how hard it is to get under his skin. I realize this is a huge weight on your shoulders, but you're a capable girl, and most importantly, you possess a strong sense of duty. I know you'll be great once you toss the doubts away and believe in your own self." Hanji-san smiled warmly. "You can do it. I know you can. Show the world what you're made of." Huh? A flashback ran through my mind. My eyes filled with tears, and my vision went blurry. Mom...? "Desi, are you okay? Why are you crying?"