My Hero

Chapter 15

I didn't answer the commander's question, so he proceeded to move closer to me.

"Don't come any closer!" He stopped in his tracks.

"Did I do something to deserve this cold treatment?"

"No, you didn't do anything."

"Can you at least turn around and look at me while we're talking?"

"I can't... because if I do, I won't be able to say the things that need to be said."

"And what are those things?"

"Erwin...No...You can no longer be Erwin. Commander, nothing can happen between us anymore."

Erwin Smith took a deep breath. "Why, Desi? Is there a good reason for what you're telling me?"

"The same reason I've told you ever since the very beginning. You are the commander, and we can't keep doing such things, besides..."

Erwin was getting very irritated at this point. "God damn it, will you at least have the decency to look me in the eyes?!?"

My whole body shivered when I heard the commander's shout. It felt so cold. "I'm sorry... you're right..." I turned around reluctantly.

"Look at me, Desi." I shook my head, trying hard to hold back from bursting into tears. "I said, LOOK AT ME." I let out a quiet sob. I felt like a little child being scolded. I did as I was told and finally faced the commander. It was close to impossible to hold back from running to him and apologizing for everything, but I continued to struggle with myself. The commander's face softened a bit, but he was still very angry. "Now, tell me the truth. Why exactly are you doing this?"

"I already told you..."

"Those are lies, and we both know it." I couldn't answer him. The commander did his best to keep calm. "Alright, let's try this. What exactly are you afraid of?"

"I won't be able to live with myself if I become a reason for you to lose your position in the military and all the important work you've been doing as a commander. And if we continue this, it's bound to happen sooner or later. You are an important figure for humanity. You are the one that can lead us to victory. I strongly believe that. There is no way I would ever sabotage this chance. So... I am willing to sacrifice how I feel for the good of humanity. As a member of the Survey Corps, that's the least I can do."

"Are you even listening to yourself right now, Desi?"

"What...?"

"That's complete nonsense. As long as I do my job, no one cares who I sleep with."

"Who you sleep with... I see."

"No! That's not what I meant."

"No... It's alright... I understand. I knew I wasn't special to you anyway."

"You're wrong, Desi!"

"Don't... just don't say anymore, Commander... Just...just..." I couldn't hold back anymore, and the tears streamed down my face.

---

Upon seeing her cry because of him, Erwin Smith felt like his heart would break in two. He tried to approach her, but she squirmed away.

"Don't...don't touch me... Just leave me alone. Please."

She turned around and ran away from him. Erwin couldn't move from his spot. That's not what he wanted to say... Why would he say those words? He didn't mean them one bit. Instead, he should have just told her the truth, and then maybe... just maybe..."

"I'm such an idiot!"

---

"I was such an idiot!" My legs were trembling. I couldn't possibly run anymore, so I finally stopped. I sat down on the ground, hugged my legs, and buried my face in them. The tears seemed endless. So many emotions were going through my mind right now that I felt like I might go crazy. "I hate him... I hate him so much." Terrible lies. "Why... why can't I hate him...?"

"Desi?" I was startled by someone's voice. When I looked up, I saw a person I didn't expect. "Reiner..."

"Is everything alright? Obviously not. Stupid question. Why are you crying?"

"Ah...well, it's...it's complicated. I mean..."

"If you can't tell me, it's alright." Reiner sat down next to me. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Reiner's smile took me by surprise. Like an idiot, I resumed my sobbing. Reiner, of course, panicked. "H-hey, please don't cry! If I did something...

"No, no." I tried to wipe the tears away. "I don't even know why I'm crying anymore. My head is a mess. Thank you for being here, really. I appreciate it."

"Ah, it's no big deal. I can't possibly ignore a crying girl." I had always known that even though he may look intimidating, Reiner was a big softie, but this was just too cute. "You're finally smiling."

"Oh?" I hadn't realized it. I guess I am." I thought of a change of subject that would be good enough. And then it hit me. "Say, Reiner..."

"Hm?"

"Something has been on my mind ever since we went against the titans yesterday."

"And what is that?"

"You'll probably think I'm crazy, but do you think it's possible for humans to turn into titans?" My question seemed to have taken him by surprise because he made a very strange expression. It didn't look like he found me crazy; it looked more like he was thinking whether he should answer me or not. Well, that's weird.

"Humans turning into titans? Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. It just makes sense in a way. There is so much we don't know about titans. What if this is the next big secret?"

"I highly doubt it."

"Hmm? Why?"

"Because, well..."

'What are you hiding from me, Reiner? You obviously know something.', I thought to myself.

"If that were true, why would they eat other humans? It sounds absurd."

"Not really. What if they're forced to become titans?" His expression changed again. It was a slight change, but I noticed it. Well, that was a shot in the dark, but I was definitely onto something.

"I don't know where you get all these crazy ideas, Desi. You're overthinking the whole situation." Reiner proceeded to get up. "I hope you'll feel better soon. I will leave you alone with your thoughts."

"Alright, thank you again for keeping me company, Reiner."

"No problem." And he moved away.

One thing was for sure: He left me alone with a lot of new thoughts.