My Hero

Chapter 3

"Ngh..." I shifted a bit and struggled to open my eyes. "Wh...at...?" My mind is fuzzy. Am I...in bed? It feels warm, like a bed. But I don't remember going to bed... The last thing I remember is speaking to Commander Smith, and... that's about it. I finally managed to open my eyes. "Huh? This isn't my bed." I immediately got up and sat down, which caused my head to throb in pain. "Ouch! Damn, that hurts!" I rubbed my temples and looked around. This was Commander Smith's office. "But why am I still here? And why am I lying down on the sofa?" I noticed my body was covered with a blanket. "Did the Commander...?" And I turned bright red. What did I even do last night? Sure, I'm still wearing my clothes, but I couldn't recall all the events that had taken place. There's no way I would... would I? And before I could fall into a deep panic, the door opened.

"Ah, Desi, you're up." And my shock and embarrassment grew even more.

"C-commander Smith!" I let out a nervous chuckle. "Good morning, Sir!" I saluted him, which probably looked very comical since I was still sitting on the sofa and half covered with a blanket. He laughed wholeheartedly at the whole situation. Ah, damn, another new smile. If he keeps making those, my heart won't be able to handle it.

"Excuse me for laughing, but your passion to always address me properly is adorable, and your disheveled hair is very cute."

"Eh?" My hands immediately flew to my hair in a useless attempt to fix it somehow. That only served to make Commander Smith let out another cheerful laugh, which made me a hundred times more embarrassed. If that's even possible at this point.

He then cleared his throat and attempted to sound a bit more serious. "Anyway, do you feel any better?"

Thank God for the change of subject! "Well, I guess so. As good as I can be. I guess crying does help sometimes. But... Commander, what happened..." I gulped hard, "last night? I mean, why am I here? I don't really remember anything after our conversation. I apologize..."

"Oh, no, there's no need to apologize. It's perfectly normal for you to not remember. You seemed to have lost consciousness after crying for so long, and I didn't want to risk waking you up, so I let you sleep here. Besides, I don't think it was a good idea to carry you all the way to the cabin where the rest of the girls were sleeping, since a lot of strange rumors might take place."

"Ah, yes, you're right. Thank you very much for your consideration." 'Of course nothing else happened, you idiot!' I scolded myself internally.

"Desi... I know it's hard for you, but do you want to continue the conversation we started yesterday? There are still things you don't know."

"NO!" My reaction surprised even me. "I mean... No, I don't really want to know, at least for now. I am very grateful to you for doing all of this for me, but I'm not ready to face all the facts just yet. I need some more time to process everything."

"Of course, I understand." The atmosphere around us changed once more. I was thinking that it was finally time for me to leave when the commander interrupted my thoughts. "Since you're here anyway, and it's a bit early for breakfast, would you like to join me for coffee?" I was surprised at his invitation. Of course I would like to join him, but is that even appropriate? I fidgeted in my spot. "There's nothing to worry about. Just because I'm your commander, that doesn't mean we can't have a cup of coffee together."

Am I that easy to read? Or I'm just horrible at hiding my true feelings. Either way, I decided to abandon my logic for now and go with what my heart wanted. "Yes, you're right, I would love that."

"Perfect. I'll make coffee and be right back."

I nodded slightly, and the commander left the office. Then it hit me. "Wait, since when does Commander Smith make coffee himself??"

---

"Ah, these peaceful moments are so rare." I couldn't help but agree. I could only imagine what Commander Smith had been going through ever since the attack on Shiganshina District and the fall of Wall Maria. He had to carry such a huge weight on his shoulders. Anyone else would have probably cracked under the pressure. And yet, it didn't show on his face or in his actions in any way. He was as disciplined as ever. The best leader anyone could ask for. "Is there something on your mind, Desi?"

"Eh, no, it's nothing. I'm simply enjoying the coffee."

"I hope it doesn't taste too bad for you. I must admit, I'm not very good at this."

"No, no, not at all. It's great; thank you for the gesture." As if I would ever tell him otherwise. I couldn't be happier, and besides, the coffee didn't taste half bad. But as happy as this whole situation was making me, I couldn't shake the dull aching in my heart, like I didn't really belong here or by his side. What was I even doing? Casually drinking coffee with the Commander of all people. I never even imagined I would be this close to him. I should find a reason to leave.

"You know, Desi..." And my chance slipped away once more. "A couple of years ago, there was a girl in Shiganshina District. Whenever the Survey Corps were back from an expedition outside the walls, I saw her in the crowd. She was looking at me and had a huge smile on her face. Doesn't matter how badly we did or how many times we failed, she always welcomed us with a smile. I think that gave me a lot of strength to keep going forward and confidence in our mission. I don't really remember how she looked, but I do remember that she once came to me and told me that I was very beautiful." The commander chuckled. "Out of all things she could have said, she uttered those words. She was looking at me with those big green eyes, and I could swear they were sparkling. It was incredibly cute." Commander Smith turned to look at me, and the rest of the story was lost somewhere in his mind. I was looking at him with my lips half open and with confusion in my green eyes. I could swear something unspoken happened between us in the span of mere seconds. It's like those blue eyes of his were looking straight at my soul. I couldn't handle the pressure of the situation and the headache that was forming in my head, like it was forcing me to remember something I'd long forgotten. So I quickly excused myself and literally ran out of the office. After I closed the door behind me, my body grew weak, and I slid down to the floor. What the hell was that?

---

Commander Smith was still very confused. "I'm probably imagining things." He shook his head and finished the coffee. There was a big day ahead of him, and he needed his mind to be focused on his duties.