My Hero

Chapter 30

As if everything else wasn't enough, Eren acted like I didn't exist at all. He blamed me for not protesting against Reiner and Bertolt in any way and abandoning him. He never said it out loud, but I could see it in the way he looked at me. In his eyes, I betrayed him. I couldn't deny it, because that was exactly how I felt, and no one could convince me otherwise. Jean had been keeping me constant company, in fear I might lose it again if left alone.

"Don't worry about that brat, Desi. He's always angry at someone."

I envied how carefree Jean seemed, but I doubted it was as simple as that.

"Jean, thank you for everything tonight, but I need to be alone now. I hope you can understand."

"Yeah... Sure, Shortie. Just don't worry yourself too much, alright?"

"I'll try." I waved to him and made my way outside. I met some of the other scouts on my way out. Was I imagining things, or were they actually looking at me in a different way? I wasn't sure anymore, and I already had enough stuff on my mind.

These late night walks were pretty much a ritual for me. I was never the best with crowds of people; I preferred this solitude. Probably why I hardly made friends.

I sat down in my usual spot and looked at the crescent moon. I closed my eyes and lay down on the soft grass. That place held a dear memory, but I did my best not to dwell on it. I tried to clear my head and allow the peacefulness of the night to relax me.

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"I can't concentrate." All of Erwin Smith's attempts to get any work done turned out to be fruitless. In his irritation, he shoved some of the papers away from his desk, and they fell to the ground. His head hurt, and he just couldn't remain in one place. He had to get rid of all of this frustration and let it out somehow. Erwin got up from his chair and walked to the window. He opened it to let some fresh air in and looked outside. And that was where he saw her—in her usual spot. Was this his goal all along? To see if she would come here again? Why would he even look for her? He was angry, furious even, and yet he wanted to believe; he wanted to trust her completely once more. Yesterday he was afraid of losing her, and now he couldn't even bear to look at her. Why? Because she saw things differently, or because she didn't hate someone she should hate? Was that even a good reason? All of these confusing thoughts were making his headache even more unbearable. Right when he was about to move away from the window, she looked up in his direction, and their eyes met.

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I felt a weird sensation, like someone was watching me, so I opened my eyes, and that's when I saw him. There was no doubt about it—the commander was looking my way. Ever since the first day his eyes have had their impact on me. They gave me hope, courage, and warmth, and even right now they are still as beautiful as ever. I couldn't look away. But I was soon forced to. A few drops of rain made their way down and onto my face, which startled me and made me get up. They were quickly joined by more, and soon it was raining quite a lot. But I didn't move from my spot and instead turned to the commander once more.

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'What is she thinking, sitting in the rain? She could easily get sick. That foolish girl!' Erwin Smith hesitated for a second, but he wasn't sure why. He knew perfectly well what he was about to do. It had been like this ever since the beginning. He moved away from the window, walked out of his office, and paced quickly down the corridor.

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'Ah, figures the Commander would walk away. He probably doesn't even want to look at me right now.' I ignored the strong pain in my chest, and after a bit, I proceeded to get up. After I did so, I saw him come my way. I froze in my spot.