Emotional Wreck | ᵀʰᵉ ᶠᵃˡˡᵒᵘᵗ

ᵂʳᵉᶜᵏ

August hadn't talked much since Vada left that night, she came out of her room more often though. Her parents asked her if she wanted therapy and she did.

Sitting in the chair felt uncomfortable, it was wrong. The seat was hard, plastic pressed against her skin. She sat waiting; a kind looking women came out and ushered her into the room.

August sat down on the couch, she had been to therapy before but this felt different. The women looked up at August through the lens of glasses, placing her legs over one another.

"I'm Anna." The women greeted August, flipping through her note book to a fresh page. August noticed how the women didn't look that old, that her nails were chipped, a little stain on the collar of her shirt; anything to distract her mind.

"I'm August." Both of the women looked at each other, August rolled the gum around her mouth. Anna smiled, beginning the session.

"Why are you here today?" August thought about the question, because of the shooting, Julia's death, her addictions, her emotionless mind?

"I think I'm broken." The sentance rolled off her tongue, it was the truth. Anna hummed, jotting down something, August shuffled in her seat, scared she'd already failed.

"Relax, I'm just writing the date" Anna mumbled, her pen etching into the paper below it. August sighed, shaking her head at her sudden lack of confidence.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous" Anna smiled, assuringly. She nudged a stress ball over August's way, urging the girl to take it.

It was cold, squishy but brought some sense of relief in August's hand. She sqeezed the ball, watching how it expands.

"Why do you think your broken?" Anna asked, watching how August's shoulder tensed. She saw the hesitant way August opened her mouth.

"I was in a school shooting, earlier this month. I didnt get shot, I heard it all happen." August picked at the edge of the couch, rolling the material in her hand. She was scared, she didnt want to speak. She had to, she had to get better. Since she no longer slept her she heard her mom's fight almost every night, back and forth; always about her.

"Did anyone you know die? Are you grieving?" Anna asked, trying to understand everything. August sighed, her head leaning back as she thought.

"Yeah, but that's not why I'm like this." Anna tilted her head, August carried on. "Last year, my bestfriend died. We were in a car accident, it killed her and I was hospitalised." August added, her eyes watering at the remembrance of how her mom had to tell her that she no longer had a bestfriend.

"Do you blame yourself?" The question lingered in the air, awaiting an answer. August stared at the celling, seeing how it had water damage.

"I became an addict." August whispered, straining her neck even further. "I am an addict."

Anna had already known about her addictions, knowing not to prescribe her anything; only listen to her words.

"Do you blame yourself, August?" The question was out in the air again, August nibbled on her lip.

August didn't answer the question, Anna saw how she was avoiding it. Anna sighed, rolling her pen back and forth.

"Why'd you start taking drugs?" She asked, August met her eyes once again. Letting out a shaken breath.

"They made me feel good. I stopped thinking, it stopped everything." August had jinxed herself, she got what she wanted; she no longer felt anything, just numb  all over.

"I was tired of being angry, I just wanted- I just want my bestfriend." Anna bit down on her tongue, watching as August broke down in front of her. August gripped her hair, crying into her wrist.

"I'm not entirely here anymore, I'm not me. I don't know how to be me again, I don't know how I did this to myself, I was fine-" she gasped, tears leaking out of her eyes.
"I had a life, I had everything. Now– now I'm just some junkie"

"Your not just some junkie, August." Anna's words didn't do much, of anything. August carried on to cry into her clothes, her body shaking.

"I think you've made excellent progress today, if you feel the same you can come back next week" Anna stood up, handing August tissues. August quickly hurried out of the room, leaving all her tears behind.

Do you blame yourself?

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Entering her house she saw black letters on the kitchen counter, Maria saw the letters too and knew what they were. August's fingers grazed over the sticker that was on the front, she flipped the letter over and peeled it.

She read the letter a thousand times, back to front, over and over again. It was a funeral invitation, Luna'a someone she knew; August shared chemistry with her. She felt bile rise in her throat, she ran over to the sink and vomited. Her mom's rushing towards her, holding her hair back. August began to cry again, it burned.

"I need space" she asked her mom's, they nodded pulling away from her. She stumbled back, clearing her face. She whimpered, grabbing ahold of the letters and walking towards her bedroom.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, at the time it felt like there was a pit of lava in there.

Something snapped, a wave of tears. Screaming, she pulled at her hair. The air around her her grew thick, her tears blurred her vision. Her chest was tight, like somone was sat on it. She clawed at her skin, leaving deep gashes from her nails.

Maria came rushing in, pulling the girl to her chest. Maria didn't say anything, she just pinned August's hands behind her back and allowed her daughter to cry.

"Am I the reason Julia died?"

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8th May 2020

"Come on, August. Stop being so grumpy!" Julia asked, her finger jabbing into August's side. August smiled, shaking her head.

"Nope, there's no way I'm spending my summer with your family." August laughed. Julia scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"My family? Since when was it my family?" Julia asked, her hair blowing in the air. August glanced over at her, smiling.

"Yeah your right, they do love me more." August giggled, turning her attention back to the road.

They were driving through a pretty open road, her eyes often lost focuse. But her hands held a tight grip on the steering wheel.

"Shit, look at that" Julia pointed towards something, August never got a look. The car drove over something; heavy enough to derail the car. The whole vehicle flipped, glass smashing and going everywhere. It was a wreck, both of their bodies were crushed.

"Julia?" August whimpered, her leg in-between the car door and seat, her arm throbbing in pain too. August turned her attention towards her friend, blood slowly leaking out of her head.