Catch me when I fall (Rúben Dias)

Chapter 41

Right after coming back from London, I dive right into a big project for our magazine. We are planning on having multiple covers this month and each will follow a theme that will be accompanied inside the issue by its own personal editorial. It's something we've been planning for a while and it's finally time to tackle it. I love these types of projects.

All of this also means long hours of work, including night shoots. So by the time we are done, I just want to nap for 3 days straight.

But when I get home, I find Rúben there, napping on the sofa with Luna. There is a toy in his hand, so I'm guessing he fell asleep there while playing with her. And she was happy to use him as a pillow for her little head, which is on his arm. I need a photo of this.

"Rúben", I say, touching his face. "Wake up. You'll be sore later if you sleep here for too long".

He opens his eyes slowly, smiling when he sees it's me waking him up. "You're back".

"I am", I laugh. "Have you been here long?"

I was supposed to be back two hours ago. But we never finish on time.

"I guess. What time is it?"

"10.15".

"Then I've been here for three hours. But I'm sure I've spent the last two sleeping".

I take my jacket and shoes off now that he's awake.

"Did you have dinner? We could order something", I offer. I'm starving.

"No, I was waiting for you".

"You're too cute", I tell him, giving him a quick kiss before hugging him. I want to stay in this hug forever.

"Well, I've missed you".

We order some food and I shower while we wait for it to arrive. Having dinner with Rúben and Luna after a long day of work while freshly showered and wearing comfy PJs is my idea of a perfect day.

"You know. I've been thinking", says Rúben while we are setting the table.

"About?"

"Something your ex said".

Well, that dampens my mood. Why is he thinking about Abel?

"Don't make that face. It's not bad".

"Nothing related to Abel is good", I say, still bothered.

"It was what he said about your sex life".

"What? Are you for real? I don't want you bringing that up, Rúben. You know how we struggled with that when we got together".

I go back to the kitchen, just wanting to smash every drawer shut to show him how upset I am. Because when Abel is mentioned, I go back to behaving like a child, apparently.

"Grace, just listen to me", he begs.

"What do you have to say then?"

"He was disgusting bringing that up. But it was all his fault. You told me how you thought you were never going to enjoy sex. But you do now. He was the problem".

"Do you want an award for that?", I'm not usually this sarcastic but this topic has me on edge.

"No, I don't. I just want you to know that we can talk about it. That you can tell me what you like and don't like. What you would like to try. I don't know".

I just sigh. Because I get he's trying to help me. But I don't know how he can do that.

"Grace", he says, making me look up at him. "We don't have to change anything. I just want you to know I'm not him. I want you to enjoy this too. I don't want it to be just me suggesting things because I'm sure you have your ideas too. And I want to hear them. And try them. I don't want you to feel like you just have to please me".

"I've never felt that way with you".

"Good. But just know the offer is there".

"I'm sorry I was so aggressive when you mentioned the topic. I'm tired from work and my ex is still a sensitive topic. It'll always be".

"It's fine", he says, hugging me. "I understand. And you know I like it when you go all bossy. It's sexy".

"Oh shut up!"

**

Rúben's words haven't left my mind since we had our conversation the other day. Do I want to try something new? I don't know.

I feel like I never allowed myself to even think about it. I didn't have girlfriends to chat about that with or cared about reading articles about what people seemed to like doing.

"Bella? Can I ask you something very personal?"

"Yes. Always".

"Do you...have you...?", I really don't know how to approach this.

"What is it?", she laughs. "You're a tomato right now. Look at your face!"

"That's not helping".

I get up to get a glass of water and sit back down again.

"It's about sex", I say quickly, as if fearing someone will overhear us and tell us off.

"Don't tell me my bestie is disappointing you in that regard. It'd be heartbreaking".

"No, it's not that. I'm more than happy but...you remember the whole Abel situation when we went to London, right?"

"Sadly, yes", her disgusted face, which she makes whenever my ex is mentioned, is appreciated.

"Well, one of the things he said to provoke Rúben was about me being bad in bed".

"It seems like the type of thing he would say, yes. But what about it? Are you feeling bad that he said that for some reason?"

"No", I say, meaning it. "But Rúben brought it up to let me know he wanted me to be more open about what I wanted to do. And that he didn't want me to think it was all about pleasing him as Abel had".

"Good. He's avoiding castration once again".

I shake my head laughing.

"But why are you telling me this?", she asks.

"Because I've been thinking about what I want and I don't know. I never thought about it so...I'm lost".

"Do you want me to give you ideas?"

"Maybe? Or just where to find them. I don't know".

She seems to think for a bit before answering.

"Well, I used to read articles about it and whenever I tried those things, I was always disappointed. It has to be something that comes to you at the moment. Don't overthink it. Don't try to find anything too fancy. Just let your imagination flow".

I think I got an idea.

"Thank you, Bella".