Catch me when I fall (Rúben Dias)

Chapter 23

"Are you ignoring me?", texts Rúben after a couple of days of me ignoring him.

"No", I text back. "Just busy".

And it's not a lie. Being away for fashion month means I'm extremely busy.

I put my phone away to ignore him again, still hurt by his words to John, but the phone starts ringing. Great.

"Hello?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Rúben. I just told you I'm busy".

"You are always busy, Grace. That doesn't stop you from talking to me".

Why is he so annoyed about me not talking to him? Isn't it better this way?

"Well, sometimes normal busy becomes extremely busy and that's how it's now so you'll have to deal with that".

"Did I do something wrong?"

That question leaves me speechless. I guess I'm too used to being the one blamed for doing the wrong things.

"Grace? Are you still there?"

"Yes", I whisper. "It's nothing you did, Rúben. I'm just busy and tired, I told you. Please leave me alone for a couple of days".

Now he's the one silent. And the silence is absolutely deafening.

"How many days?"

"What?"

"How many days do you need to forgive me for whatever it is I did to hurt you?"

I close my eyes when I notice I'm starting to cry. Why does he have to make it so hard?

"I don't know", I confess.

Because I truly don't.

**

It seems Rúben estimated a week was enough time because that's how long it took him to text me again. But I remain cold to him because seriously, what's the point? I'm clearly falling in love but he doesn't want the same I do. I guess he just wants to be my friend, which is nice, but I can't take the rejection. Not after everything that went on with Abel.

So I keep on refusing to meet him, telling him I'm busy or that I'm at Bella's once I'm back in Manchester. When I'm actually at my apartment, playing with Luna and feeling sorry for myself.

Bella does come around to visit, though. Like tonight.

"How's our favourite Portuguese boy?"

"Who?"

"Are you dumb?", she's looking at me like I'm crazy. "How many Portuguese people do we both know? I'm talking about Rúben".

"He's fine. I guess".

I hear her sigh before she goes to my kitchen. I don't know what she's doing exactly but I can hear doors opening and closing and when she comes back she has two glasses and a bottle of wine in her hands.

"Ok. Wine and girl talk".

"There is nothing to talk about", I say. But there is a part of me hoping she pushes me to talk. I need to get this out of my chest.

"Why aren't you speaking to Rúben when you used to be glued to your phone waiting for his next text? Did he do something wrong?"

"He...he just doesn't want to be with me", I tell her, as if that explained everything.

She gives me a glass of wine and moves to fill hers.

"Did he stop talking to you then?"

"No. It's me ignoring him".

"Why? Did you two sleep together or something? And he was like see you baby that's all I wanted?"

"No. We didn't sleep together. I...I overheard him speaking to Stones, his teammate. I don't know if you remember him".

"He was hot, I do remember him".

She almost makes me choke on my wine with that comment. I love her.

"Well, Stones was telling Rúben about how we were like a couple and Rúben reacted as if someone had insulted his mother".

"What? I wouldn't expect that from him. I mean, I don't know him as well as you do but that reaction just doesn't seem right to me".

"Well, that's what he did. Even Stones told him to chill. But Rúben was adamant about him not making those comments and, especially, about not telling me any of those things. He clearly doesn't want anything like that to happen and doesn't want anyone getting those ideas in my head or something. So...like...whatever".

"And you do want that to happen...", says Bella, smirking.

But I don't join in the joke. I start crying instead.

"Grace. Fuck! I didn't want to make you cry. Come here".

I allow her to hug me while I let the tears out. I've been holding them inside of me for too many days.

"I just...I get he just wants to be my friend and he's a great friend but I like him more and more each day. I can't just be his friend while I feel this way. I've suffered too much already".

"Shhh, it'll be alright", she tells me, caressing my hair.

"My ex messed me up, Bells. He was abusive and...he hurt me too much. I don't want to be hurt by Rúben too even if he doesn't mean to hurt me. I don't think I can take it".

I can see the compassion in her eyes while she looks at me, still touching my hair, trying to calm me down.

"Are you sure you understood what Rúben said correctly? Maybe you thought you did but...I've seen how he looks at you, Grace. That's not a friend's look. He wants more. I know he does".

"That's not what he said".

"Talk to him, please. You might be surprised by what he says and if he really doesn't want you then he's fucking stupid. And you can also move on".

I just shake my head because I don't know if she's right. I don't know if I would get closure after his rejection or if it would make me go back to my lowest point after all the healing I have already done.

I really don't know what to do.

**

Bella wanted to stay with me tonight, just to make sure I was ok. So I decided to make a nice breakfast for her as a thank you. I want her to know how much I appreciate her friendship.

"What's all this?", she asks when she gets to the kitchen.

"A show of my gratitude for being the best friend in the world".

"Wait until Andy finds out you call me that", she laughs.

We sit down to eat and when she's almost done, the doorbell rings.

"I need to go. I'll go get my things".

"Ok?"

I don't know who can be on the other side of the door. It's too early for visits.

"Rúben? What are you doing here?"

Before he can answer, Bella comes back to the room, almost running to the door.

"I gotta go. Hi Rúben, you look gorg as usual. Bye Grace, I love you please don't forget that slash hate me".

When she leaves, I look at Rúben, who is looking at me with sad eyes.

"She called you?"

"We need to talk".