In Principio

Dear Teenager,

Dear teenager

reading this long and boring poem,

I have something very important to tell you,

so you're gonna read every word of it.

Yay, you're a teen. Congratulations.

*dumps a vat of crap on you*

And that sums it up.

There's so much going on in the average

adolescent brain, that if you were to graph it,

you'd have entire freaking universe drawn out because it's so complex.

And I can't live your life for you, or

correct your mistakes, or 

solve your problems, or

in any way begin to detangle that mess,

but I can give you a relative idea of

how it goes.

Grades. 

"Men are replaceable, but GPAs are not," 

is what my mom always said.

And I'm not lying when I say that if you don't study,

you will die alive as you plummet in the pit of your dropping grades. 

But failing isn't everything.

Rule #1: Don't make school your life.

It's okay to take it easy sometimes,

to not sleep until 4 a.m. to stay up late,

to chug coffee (nectar from thy heavens) and procrastinate,

to copy and cheat on your friend's homework;

it's not a sign of failure,

it's a sign of normality.

But then BAM!

Ah lovely, ever present, hormones, 

I hate them with a burning passion.

(Although I do think they played a significant role in the Harry Potter series. . .)

Serotonin, Melatonin, Oxytocin,

always there to complicate situations.

Did you mean "Hi, how are you?"

Well it probably came out like:

AKJSASMDLFUMWPEOQIUNV!?!

Rule #2: Get used to mood swings.

All these "-onin"s concoct in your body,

and sometimes you think your in love—

and sometimes you realize it wasn't really.

So follow your heart, but take your brain 

with you.

But one day, you'll walk down the graduation isle, and you'll look back on your life so far,

and all I can hope you say is

"I'm glad I did."

instead of

"I wish I had."