Most Likely (high school reunion Stucky fic)

Fourteen

Few things plagued Steve's mind the way that Bucky Barnes did. In their youth, it had been thoughts of admiration. In adolescence, it had been desire. Even in the two and a half decades they spent apart, Bucky was always just around the corner in his thoughts. Wondering what he was up to. Wondering if Bucky thought of him – at least – every once in a while.

And now? Now was no different. It just solidified that devotion, as though it was in the very makeup of his DNA.

"I, uh," Bucky started, sipping on the complimentary hotel instant coffee. He kept his gaze down on his hands and shifted uncomfortably. It took Steve back to their shared childhood. It was the exact way he would act whenever they were caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing and Bucky always took the blame for it from their parents.

"Listen, Buck," Steve began. Heart racing, pounding in his chest. His stomach in knots. "I'm not gonna lie or beat around the bush. I'm pissed at you. Really fucking pissed. Not just for last night, but for how our friendship ended."

Bucky weakly chuckled and agreed, "I'd probably be pissed at me too."

"Then, why'd you do it?"

Brows furrowing, Bucky asked, "Do what?"

"'Do what?'" Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes, taking a large drink of his own cup of bitter complimentary coffee. "'Do what,' as in, 'why did you ignore me?' Or how about why you never told me you hooked up with Nat – Natasha "Scary Nat" "Cootie Nat" Romanoff – of all people? Why didn't you tell me you were going to be a dad?

"I would've been there! I wanted to be there! Just like I wanted you to be there for my kids!"

"I'm sorry."

Well, that was easier than I thought.

It wasn't what Steve wanted though. He didn't want an apology. He wanted an explanation. Sighing, Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep a handle on his emotions. Just as he would encourage his kids, he said, "I accept your apology."

For a moment, they were silent. Just taking a drink of their coffees. Steve wondered how they got here. Never in their life had they been like this. It's because Bucky chose this for you, Steve bitterly thought.

"It doesn't seem like you do."

"I do," Steve assured. Then, amended, "But that doesn't mean that I approve of what you did."

"...neither do I."

Steve's head snapped up so quickly that one could be worried about whiplash. But Steve was confused. Even more so than he was before. With his brows set in a heavy furrow, he asked, "Then why did you do it?"

Thickly swallowing, Bucky took a moment. Looking at his hands, he fidgeted in his wrinkled clothes from the night before. Steve could almost hear the brunet's inner thoughts of just telling him. Grow some balls, just like he used to say when they were kids and he felt like he needed to be braver than he felt.

Exhaling, Bucky admitted, "It felt like you were forgetting about me. Moving onto bigger and better things and leaving me behind."

"But I wasn't," Steve protested, his heart aching for his best friend. Aching for the person that he had always known was his person, "I wanted you there!"

"You had Peggy."

"So?"

"So," Bucky scoffed, angry and hurt, "You didn't need me!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"I just told you!"

Now Steve could feel the anger of the past twenty-five years running through his veins, heating him up. How could Bucky even think that? Surely, he must've known that Steve had been crazy about him from the moment they met. All he had to do was look at those big steel-blue eyes and he fell in love. Even at five years old, before he even knew what that kind of love was.