Crash Into Me (Into Me Series Book One)

Chapter Two - Scream

The shrill sound of my alarm pierces the quiet morning air. I stare at the same spot on my ceiling that I've been staring at since I laid down last night. Come on Jet, just move. You gotta get up and move. The alarm continues to scream. My entire body is exhausted. My brain is exhausted. My emotional well-being is exhausted.

"Jet... please for the love of GOD turn off your alarm," a deep voice groans.

I turn my head and look at the man lying in bed next to me. Dr. Barnes- okay no, his name is Theo. Theo Barnes- okay, wait, why are you saying his last name too? The hell is wrong with me this morning? Oh yeah... the whole no sleep because of night terrors thing.

"Jet, I am begging you," he grumbles.

Just move woman! You just have to turn like 45 degrees and shut off your phone. You can do this. Come on Jet. Move.

Theo groans loudly, picking his head up abruptly. He quite literally steam rolls over my body, grabbing my phone, while still lying on top of me I have to add, and turns off my alarm. My eyes stay fixated on the ceiling. Theo comes into view, kissing my nose softly.

"Good morning beautiful," he says, smiling. I'm still looking at the ceiling. "Jet, you okay?" I blink so he knows that I'm still alive. I never wanted to be that nurse that sleeps with the doctor from work, but that's what I turned out being. "Jet, baby," he starts, "what's going on in your head?"

Ugh, "baby." I hate it. Just like I hate the fact that I can't take a full breath in because Theo is crushing my damn lungs. Move Jet, just move.

"Okay, I'm starting to get worried now Jet. I'm being serious, are you okay?" he stresses. He rolls off of me and grabs underneath my chin, turning my head to face him. He gently cups my face, his thumb running across where my tears have long since dried. I close my eyes and sink into his hand. "I'm right here," he says.

Tears start to lick my waterline again. No. I am done fucking crying. I open my eyes and look at him. My hand raises up to rest on top of his on my cheek. A small smile falters on his lips as a chunk of his blond hair falls in front of his eyes. Instinctively, I reach up and brush it off for him. He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it, pulling me into his chest. I hide my face in his neck and listen to his heart.

Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub in perfectly even time. I never realized how becoming a nurse would make me so damn grateful for hearing a normal heartbeat. I never realized how becoming a nurse would make me so damn grateful for breathing.

"Jet," Theo says, breaking me from my trance, "what's going on in that brilliant mind of yours?" he asks.

What if I had gotten pressure on her femoral quicker? I could have saved some of her blood volume which would have supported her blood pressure. She wouldn't have gone into hypovolemic shock then. Jessica wouldn't be mourning the loss of her child. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I should have acted quicker. I should have started massive transfusion protocol on her before we started the pressors to get her H&H up. Why am I so fucking stupid? I killed her. I did this. This is all my fault. I'm an awful nurse. She was my responsibility and I let her die. Stupid! What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't deserve to be here anymore. I don't deserve to be a nurse. So fucking stupid! Jet you are just so fucking stupi-

"Jet," Theo grunts harshly. My eyes snap to his. "What's wrong?"
I sigh and turn the other way, "What isn't?"

- - -

"Girl, you look like total shit," Caroline says as she walks up to me.
"Gee, thanks, that really made me feel better," I spit, slamming the door to my locker shut.
"Whoa. Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed today," she mutters.
I glare at her with my most annoyed look on my face, "I'm not in the mood today," I grumble.
Caroline looks at me confused. She comes close to me, "I thought you went home with Barnes last night?" she asks, her voice low enough that the other people in the locker room can't hear.
"I did," I say, looking in my pockets to make sure I have everything I need for the shift.
Her brows furrow in confusion. "If you did, why are you so grumpy?" I glance at her with an unamused look on my face. "Ooh..." she says. "Oohhh..."
"Yep," I respond.
"Did he..." she asks wiggling her eyebrow.
"Mhm," I confirm, adjusting my badge reel on my scrub top.
"Did you..."
I glare at her again, "No."
Her eyes widen in surprise. "Again?!"