Ms. Green Eyes starts running her fingers through my hair. What the fuck is this witchcraft? My eyes immediately start to feel heavy as my body relaxes into the bed. I lock my eyes on hers.
"There yah go," she says, smiling at me.
Holy fuck, she h...
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I ignore my phone as it buzzes yet again next to me. I know who it is. I don't want to talk to him. My leg shakes as I chew on my lip, my eyes focused on the wall in front of me. I'm stuck in my head and I can't get out. The monster has been having a field day with me. The static is back and is in full control. I'm numb. There's nothing left to feel.
Jackson was right. I did kill her. It was my fault. I let her die. I'm an idiot. I'm a terrible nurse. I'm a lying bitch. So many patients that have died, because of me. Because I didn't act quick enough, because I didn't think hard enough, because I didn't do enough. All my fault. Their blood is on my hands. Only mine. Only me.
"Jet, you okay?" his voice asks. I will my lips to move and form a response, but they can't. "Jet?" A pair of hands rests on either side of my face, but my eyes are blank. "Jet, you're starting to really worry me." I blink harshly, Brian's face coming into view. "Yeah, sorry. Just thinking," I mumble. "What about?" he wonders, dropping his hands. "Everything and nothing all at once," I laugh, trying to convince both him and I that I'm okay. I must've not done that good of a job because Brian's lips flatten and he glares at me. "What can I do?" "You've already done more than enough, thank you. Please, I'm okay. Don't worry about me. I'll get out of your way," I stumble. "No, Jet, you don't have to go," Susie, Brian's wife, adds. "We love having you here and Carson is so excited to spend another day with you." "I appreciate your generosity guys, way more than I could ever fully express, but I've already hogged your couch for three nights. I need to go home so I can work tomorrow," I explain.
After the fight, I only had two thoughts in my mind. The first: you are everything that you tell yourself you're not and Jackson finally realized it. The second: go to Brian's house. It was 11:30 at night and I was standing on Brian's front porch, sobbing and regretting my decision to drive there. I had already knocked on his door, I couldn't leave. I was in too deep. I was also scared about what I might have done if I was alone.
Brian opened his door, obviously woken from sleep, his hair all over the place and beard smooshed from where he was lying on it. He took one look at me and instantly came out on to his porch, hugging me so tight that it was hard to breathe. He took my bag from me and woke up Susie. She held me as I cried on their couch as Brian got things together to make a bed for me. I tried explaining everything that happened, but I was so fucked up from it all that my sobs made it all sound like gibberish.
Brian made me a cup of sleepy-time tea, let me cry myself out, and then tucked me in and kissed my forehead, wishing me sweet dreams. Surprisingly, I had fallen asleep almost instantly. Brian told me the next day that he slipped a Seroquel or two into the tea, which I'm thankful for.
"I guess that's fair. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Susie asks, grabbing my arm. "I promise I will. Y'all will be the first to know if that changes," I assure her, standing and grabbing my duffel bag. "Thank you so much for your kindness. I don't know where I would be without you guys, truthfully. You're my family." "And you're ours. Take care, sweetie," Susie says, hugging me tight, kissing my cheek. "Let me help you load your car," Brian says, taking the bag from me.
