Crash Into Me (Into Me Series Book One)

Chapter Twenty - Micah

His snoring in my ear wakes me with a start. My eyes snap open as my brain figures out how the world works again. The sunshine peeks through the slits in the blinds, casting rays into patterns on the floor. Rosie snores at the foot of the bed, her head tucked into her legs.

Jackson lies on top of me, his head on my boobs like they're pillows. His arms are wrapped around my body holding me firmly against him. There is for sure a small pool of drool on my chest, but he looks so peaceful that I don't dare disturb him.

His eyelids flutter as he dreams. I wonder what about. I run my fingers through his hair over and over while taking in the feeling of his soft locks against my skin. He stirs slightly, readjusting his grip on me before he starts snoring again. I fix the clasp of the chain around his neck, putting it in the back. I kiss the top of his head gently and notice that his hair smells like the new shampoo and conditioner that I convinced him to use. He's got me fucked up if he thinks I'm going to let him destroy his beautiful hair with some 2-in-1 shit. I think back to last night's events.

I love him, and he loves me.

I can't stop myself from breaking out into a wide grin when I remember him saying it back without any hesitation. Still can't believe I said that, though. I'm not usually reckless like that. I'm methodical. Every plan is well thought out and calculated. I do nothing spur of the moment.

Except telling people I love them, apparently.

Rosie wakes up, yawning as she stretches out her legs. Her tail wags a mile a minute when she notices that I'm awake too, stepping on Jackson's body to try to get to me for pets. Jackson groans, his snores stopping abruptly as his body comes back to life. He attempts to get out from under her, wiggling his body, and eventually tips her off of his back and onto the ground. She shakes out her body, her collar making a clinking noise, and runs off through the open door.

I look back down at Jackson who is already staring at me. He smiles, pushing himself up to his hands so he's hovering over me. He kisses me softly, lazily, passionately. He breaks our kiss, our faces inches from each other, "I love you."

A high, giddy feeling erupts from my chest as I smile so hard it makes my cheeks hurt, "And I love you."

Jackson's smile grows as he turns onto his back, pulling me with him. We fall into our usual cuddling position: his arm around me, my arm under his body, my leg throw over his, my head and hand resting on his chest, his hand gripping me tightly. A sense of peace overtakes me as I listen to his heart in his chest.

Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub.

Jackson's body suddenly stiffens, pulling me out of my head. I look up to him and see him staring at the ceiling, his jaw tight and eyes distant. His breath picks up speed, suddenly shallow. He nervously shakes his leg and begins drumming his fingers on my skin. All of the walls I've torn down rebuild before my eyes. I'm lying right here with him, but he suddenly feels so far away.

I look at him and see just how much pain is in his eyes. I may have provided a good distraction for a while, but that doesn't change the fact that a kid died in his arms yesterday. I run my fingertips over his cheekbone. He's holding back. I can tell. He needs to get it out or it's going to ruin him. I need him to just fucking talk to me, but he's so afraid to be vulnerable, I can tell.

Who hurt him so bad?

"The first kid that died in my arms was seven years old," I start. The memory comes flooding back to me, my breath hitching in my chest. "I was a new grad, just barely out of orientation. I was a baby nurse. I was 22 and stupid and I knew the world was a cruel place, but I never understood the magnitude of it. I thought I knew how bad it could hurt me, I thought I had already felt the most pain in my life that I ever would, but I was wrong."