And What If I Were You

Chapter 3 - Part 35

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Bar Horan

Pandanus Island

9.15pm. On the deck at Bar Horan...

Louis had intended to spend the rest of the day wallowing, licking his wounds curled up in bed, but you know what they say about best intentions... So instead he finds himself at Bar Horan, celebrating Little Pea's birthday.

He's not in much of a celebratory mood, his smile present but pasted on, not that she'll notice. Sometimes this blindness caper really does have a beneficial upside.

He'd been so caught up in his own problems courtesy of Harry's arrival, that he'd completely forgotten about tonight's plans. When he'd been woken from his nap by Liam sitting down on his bed, Zayn still laying beside him, Liam had dutifully reminded him of the festivities. Pea had, of course, asked Liam to pass on a message that Louis' presence at dinner and drinks was absolutely not required, but Louis couldn't do that to her. And anyway, wallowing is a properly shit way to spend an evening.

Louis is doing his best to join in the conversation, he really is, but his thoughts keep drifting to Harry. It's to be expected, he reasons, cutting himself some slack. But still, he doesn't feel good about it.

They're not finished, him and Harry. There's no closure for either of them, not yet. It was so hard having Harry there, in his space, surfacing all those emotions Louis had tried valiantly to bury deep down inside. He just... He loves him so much that there's a physical pain in his chest and he doesn't know if that will ever go away.

It's not like Harry did anything wrong. Far from it. He didn't treat Louis badly, he didn't cheat or betray him in any way, he just loved him with everything he had. It was all just shitty circumstances that neither of them could control. That is, until Louis took the reins and released Harry from his vow to care for Louis no matter what and from the obligation to love him forever.

"Whaddya say, Tommo?" Niall asks excitedly, nudging Louis in the side and drawing him back into the conversation.

"Oh, sorry. What's that?"

"A beach party on Palm Island!" Becky shouts from across the table.

"When the migratory birds have departed, of course," Liam adds.

"Yeah? Sounds good to me. S'nice there."

Becky continues on. "We can stay at the cabins and make it a proper rager!"

"A rager?" Danny questions, a hint of amusement in his tone. "I'd bet serious money that you've never used that word in your life."

"Maybe not," Becky replies and giggles. "But it doesn't mean it won't be exactly that!"

Niall nudges him again. "So, Tommo. You in?"

"Yeah, for sure. Sounds great." He tries to infuse his words with enthusiasm, but he's not sure he succeeds.

Niall slings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him in a little, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "You're doing great, you know that, right?"

Louis huffs out a breath. "I'm trying, really, I am."

The conversation moves on around them, plans being made for the beach party, leaving him and Niall in a bit of a bubble all on their own. "You don't owe anyone anything. They all understand. They're just happy you're here."

Louis sighs. "I know. Still feel like I'm a drag on the evening."

"Nonsense. Besides, they're all too jolly on my scrumptious cocktails to notice."