Trained For Sin

Chapter 54

Nathan stood before me opening my work file containing every mission I had ever completed. All the details and different types of ways I killed them everything and anything you could imagine I've done it. Every state, every country that I've traveled to where I was sent to kill someone. People I didn't know yet was given all of the information on their lives and what they did to deserve it. They were criminals with a target on their back. Like me.

Nathan dropped his duffel bag as he walked over to the couch with the thick file in his hands. There were crime scene photographs of each man and woman along with a long list of crimes against them that they had gotten away with. There had to be hundreds of people that I've killed through the years, and I don't know how he could ever want to stay with me after reading it.

I sat down across from him on the edge of my seat never tearing my eyes away from him. Remembering the last time, we were in the position as Nathan silently absorbed all the information.

My eyes burned down at the file in his hand in fear. I knew that file was dedicated to me and was filled with reasons for Nathan to be disgusted by me. All of the men and women I've killed in so many different ways that would make someone skin crawl. I couldn't understand anymore how I was able to do any of those horrid things without question. Without batting an eye. Nathan would recoil at the sight of me.

"Are you going to open it?" I asked softly finally looking to see he was studying me. "Is there anything else in here that I don't already know?" Nathan asked. "I can assume the things that you've done while you were with them. I don't need to know the details. All that I need to know is that's all behind you now."

Tapping my foot impatiently, fidgeting with my engagement ring and the necklaces I wore. Standing up abruptly with a deep, shaky breath crossing my arms glancing repeatedly at Nathan hunched over reading my file. I needed to reveal the truth about myself, but I fear Nathan will finally abandon me. That this will be the last straw that we will never be able to come back from.

Watching his body language intensely as Nathan's body stiffened, his beautiful ocean blue eyes grew wide, lines formed between his eyebrows. His mouth was parted as he touched his mouth and face. Nathan's posture wilted as he continued to flick through the documents shaking his head. I felt dirty and soiled, just by be being in the presence of Nathan now that he was beginning to understand the truth behind my past all over again.

Holding onto myself, fidgeting as I gripped my elbows, rubbing arms, and clenching hands. I had an uncontrollable shaking feeling pain in my chest from my panic and fear. I couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Please say something." My voice sounded brittle and hoarse obvious that I had been crying. "I can't believe what you must be thinking. All the things I've done for all those years but please you have to understand that I was manipulated. I... I was coerced. I didn't want to do any of it." I rambled madly sitting down on the couch beside him.

Nathan stood up throwing the file on the coffee table making the papers sprawl out and fall onto the floor. Raking his hand through his hair pacing for a moment before he stopped in deep thought. It almost killed me seeing Nathan like this. His silence was deafening I just wanted him to scream and yell at me. Anything to show me what he was thinking.

"I was never able to get myself to kill you. Just saying it makes my skin crawl. I risked my life to save yours because I-I knew you were different. You weren't like any of them." I motioned to the messy, bloody photographs on the coffee table.

"Please, Nathan. Please say something. I just- I need you to know that I'm not a monster. I need you to know-" I cried until he finally spoke turning to face me. Finally able to look me in the eye as I stood shaking in front of him. "When?" Nathan huffed through a rough, low sound.