The Song

Part Fifty-Three

“Morning Jess,” Aston whispered as I turned over in bed and opened my eyes. He was laying there, fully dressed and looking at me expectantly.

“Is it still morning?” I asked.

“Barely. Eleven forty-five.”

“Gosh,” I sighed, yawning slightly, “Why are you still here?”

“Took the day off to make sure you were doing ok,” he replied, “How’s the head?”

“Still hurts a bit, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. I think I’ll manage.”

“That’s good.”

“You don’t have to take the day off,” I said, looking over at Aston.

“Not trying to stir up more trouble, but I thought I should be here.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Let me go make breakfast and then we’ll get this talk out of the way? Move on?”

“Yeah, thanks,” I sighed, pulling the duvet to my chin as I stretched out.

To be honest I had no idea what he was going to say, or really what was going on anymore. Apparently we’d been bitterly fighting before my accident, which was news to me since Aston made it seem like things were rosy and perfect.

After a cup of coffee and some pancakes I sat on one of the sofas in the front room, still in my pajamas and anxiously awaiting Aston’s explanation.

“I didn’t rehearse anything,” he said nervously.

“Ok…”

“I guess I want you to know that I was never going to let things get so horrible that we’d break up,” he said.

“You told me that last night.”

“I know, but I just wanted to reiterate.”

“Right.”

“I think…” he started, his eyes trained on the floor, “Our whole fight was over nothing.”

“Ok…”

“We both said when we got married that we wanted to wait a few years before we thought about starting a family,” he explained, “Enjoy each other’s company and everything. And then this whole pregnancy thing came about and we both shut down a bit. I think we both secretly wanted it to be positive but were too afraid to say anything to the other.”

“What?” I asked, sliding forward in my seat as he explained.

“I know it sounds a bit out there, but that’s how I felt. I so wanted it to be positive and then when it wasn’t I was so disappointed. But I didn’t know what to say to you, because we’d agreed to wait. I didn’t want to freak you out so I just kept it all internal. And then things sort of blew up.”

“And we started fighting.”

“The fights started because we were avoiding each other, avoiding the conversation if that makes sense.”

“Sure.”

“And then it just spiraled out of control,” Aston sighed, “The day of the accident was the absolute worst.”

“Why?” I asked, “What did I say?”

“Nothing,” Aston shrugged nonchalantly, “It was just awful because I knew I didn’t want to be fighting with you. You’re my soulmate Jess, and when I found out you’d been hurt I was literally freaking out. I didn’t want to lose you knowing our last words weren’t maybe the nicest. It was so awful.”

“You said…”

“It was the worst day of my life. And I vowed then that no matter what it took I was going to fix this and get it back to normal,” he sighed, “But then the memory thing.”

“Hey you’re doing well.”

“I don’t’ know…”

“I’m going to get my memory back,” I said, touching his knee gently, “We’ve both said that it’s bound to happen, and from what the doctor said yesterday my body is reacting positively.”

“It’s just been so long,” Aston sighed, “I want you to remember everything so badly.”

“I’m trying.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel lesser or whatever, I just really want you to be on the same page as me, to remember everything.”

“Aston, I promise you I’ll get my memory back.”

As I said this I watched Aston smile faintly, his fingers twitching slightly as they tried to figure out what to do.

“I found something yesterday.”

“What?” I asked, watching him get up suddenly and go to the bedroom. Seconds later he was back with two books in his hand, the numbers three and four drawn on them in bold permanent ink, “What are these?”

“The next parts,” Aston said, “Of the song.”

“Really?”

“I think so,” he said, “They were in one of your bags. I think you left it here the last time we came, probably not on purpose.”

I flipped through book three, smiling as I saw a quick, bright melody on the pages. It looked like great fun to play. When I got to the end I opened the fourth book, surprised to see mostly blank pages.

“You haven’t finished that one yet.”

“Clearly,” I said, stopping on a page with lots of scribbles and cross outs, “This is really dark.”

“Yeah well, we were fighting,” Aston said, “And you always said that the song sort of reflected our relationship.”

“I must have been pretty annoyed,” I laughed, showing him a page that was practically black.

“Like I said, I think it was nothing,” Aston said, “You were secretly mad at me for not wanting a baby and I was mad at you for the same. But because we never talked we were just mad for no reason.”

“Well, I know I’m not in any right state to defend my feelings or anything, but I’ve got to think you’re probably right,” I said.

“And there’s not much we can do about it now,” Aston concluded.

“No.”

“Can I ask just one thing?” he said.

“About what I said last night?”

“Yeah. Did you mean it?”

“I know this has been a total rollercoaster and we’re still trying to figure out where we stand with one another, but I do love you Ast. You’ve stood by me and taken care of me and dealt with my bullshit. I can’t ask for anything more.”

“I loved hearing that,” Aston sighed, stretching out in his chair. I flashed him a kind smile and then stood up from the sofa.

“Now let’s see if these songs will give me any memories,” I said, going over to the keyboard. I set up the books in order, starting with book two which I’d brought over from London. I needed to hear it all in one. Or what there was at least.

“We need part one,” Aston sighed, as I finished, “It’s not complete without it.”

“I know, but how do we get it?”

“No idea,” Aston said, “I guess I can call around to your old school and see if they have it anywhere. Maybe you turned in a copy or they have a video of that recital?”

“My sister said I didn’t like writing stuff down.”

“I know, that’s what I’m worried about,” Aston said, “But we’ll get to the bottom of it, as a team. We’ll find the missing piece of the song and get your memory back.”

It sounded crazy, that this song was the key to everything, but with how things were going maybe it was?