LOVER; hyunho

❯ fourteen

Hyunjin knew this would happen, he was prepared for such thing knowing the chances of his feelings getting reciprocated were merely negative. Was he disappointed? Of course he was, no matter how he denies it, deep inside he was hoping he had a small chance with Minho, even just a little would be enough for him to pursue if the older would let him.

The past few weeks before camp suffocated him a little, like the words he wanted to say are choking him gradually. Before coming back to the city, he knew something was off about how he feels about Minho when he could only think of him as the only thing he looked forward to as he returned to such gloomy place.

What stopped him were the common instances, that Minho might not like him back and even hate him, they might go back to being strangers, Hyunjin will embarrass himself yet again in front of the older, and most importantly, Minho wasn't clear if he already had a lover or not.

"How about you hyung? Are you in a relationship with anyone?"

"Not exactly."

Hyunjin wondered if the person Minho was waiting for by the ice skating rink is that same person he has a complicated relationship with. If that's so, Minho still mentions having one night stands with random people every once in a while, that alone made Hyunjin uncomfortable a bit. If he was Minho's lover, he would be heartbroken to hear about it.

Hyunjin stopped mid of his walk back to the classroom and shook his head. "I should really stop snooping into my crush's business- it keeps making me assume things!"
He scolded himself and went back to walking.

A month passed by since the camp, and Hyunjin was getting restless, sure he did expect this but it doesn't mean he'll tolerate it. He gave some space between them, but he has to clear things up sooner or later, he doesn't want to lose such friendship and trust given by the older just because he likes him a little. In a few weeks time, it'll be two months since he confessed, and they still haven't talked to each other since. Hyunjin doesn't know if this is a sign to give up or try talking again to Minho again.

He arrived at the studio, expecting Minho to be absent as he was the past couple of days, they meet a few times occasionally but no one would talk, sometimes it'll just be about the dance they're doing and nothing more. Harley came up from picking something under the counter and her eyes sparkled seeing Hyunjin.
❝ There you are! Minho came today, go and fix whatever it is you're fighting about- I can't stand this awkward tension anymore! It's been weeks! ❞
She pushed Hyunjin lightly from the back towards the same dance studio where they would always meet.

❝ I'll leave you guys to it! ❞
Harley waved goodbye and closed the door after pushing Hyunjin in. They both locked eyes for a moment, Hyunjin adverted his gaze and awkwardly glanced around, not wanting to meet his eyes while Minho mindlessly stared at him without blinking, like he was deep in thought after seeing the younger.

Hyunjin sighed and walked towards Minho who didn't move away from where he stood.
❝ Hyung, about the thing I said back at camp, I know it's been, almost months, and you probably want to forget about it, but— ❞

❝ There's nothing to apologize for Hyunjin, I understand your sincerity. ❞
Minho said in his usual tone. 
"He's so cool." Hyunjin thought, despite being in the midst of getting rejected again.
❝ But I don't have such feelings for you, nor do I intend to think about it any further than I have. ❞
Minho added, Hyunjin already saw this coming anyway.

Hyunjin looked down and nodded, though his feelings were crushed, and his heart was heavy, it comforted him in a way that Minho kindly rejected him. By how the older could be harsh with his words sometimes, he expected to hear something worse, he even expected Minho to punch him or something, or the worst of all, ignore him forever. Maybe he was overthinking too far when he thought of those things.
❝ I just.... Wanted to be honest with you.... Some time soon you'll notice, and if I keep it in, it'll get in between us. I'd rather get rejected than get ignored by you for life, hyung. ❞

❝ I'm not one to give you validity, Hyunjin. I lack in most aspects, and my attention isn't worth struggling for, your time should be wasted on something else more important. ❞
Minho said, walking back and knelt to fix the stereo while Hyunjin stood there, thinking about how much he looked like a fool to be noticed by the older.
❝ You're right, but it's something I want so much, I admire you in all ways possible, your validity helps me strive to become a better dancer and person, regardless on how negative you think of yourself. ❞

Minho stopped what he was doing, sinking in the words Hyunjin was telling him, maybe he had smiled.

He stood up and faced the younger.
❝ How I see you won't change much. ❞
Maybe that was a lie.
❝ I won't say to forget that night ever happened either, but we can go back to how we were before that. You've been..... A good friend to me Hyunjin, you're a good person in general, I don't deserve this kind of admiration from someone like you, but somehow you make me want to become, a bit good. ❞

❝ But you are good, hyung. ❞

❝ I wish it was that easy in a world like this. ❞

Minho looked down, lips flat, and he sighed.
❝ You've grown to be a person, that takes part in my daily life. ❞
He started as he looked up again at Hyunjin.
❝ I fear of abandonment, and change, no matter how lonely I might look. ❞
Minho admitted.

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𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙: O81323
I apologize for not updating last week, it completely slipped my mind because of school starting again
It's already so busy despite just starting, I want to cry TvT