LOVER; hyunho

❯ seventeen

Hyunjin sighed after a long day of school, he walked through the snow covered streets, the bustling city as crowded as ever due to most doing their early Christmas shopping. It was his last week of school, he still wondered if he would stay in the city for the meantime before going home for vacation.

As days passed by, he could feel the lingering presence of his past slump invading his thoughts again. Every time it did, he would feel quite weak and small, there are times when he wanted to fall back into that slump again, but he's not willing to risk the things he worked hard to build up the past year.

When he started to feel better, he felt anxious again, that something small could potentially ruin everything he's trying to fix, to ruin the growth he's letting himself go through.

Hyunjin doesn't want to linger in those thoughts any longer, he doesn't want to try too hard anymore. Slowly, he's starting to learn to accept things that was out his line of reach.

As he was passing by the shops, he saw a familiar figure by the ice skating rink. It wouldn't hurt to take a look, so he slowly walked towards that person and sure enough, it was Minho.

❝ Hyung? ❞
He asked and slowly, the older looked up at him, his eyes sad as always, and lips to a frown.
❝ Oh... Hi Hyunjin.... ❞
Minho said, voice weak and small, before turning his attention back to the skating rink.

❝ Are you waiting for someone again? ❞
Hyunjin asked and stood beside the older, Minho shook his head.
❝ It's just.... Maybe he'll pass by here..... ❞
Hyunjin's eyebrows scrunched.
❝ Huh? ❞

❝ There are no chances he'll come here, but, I'm just hoping, he took a different route from work— or a different bus that passes by this place— or maybe he thought about this place and decided to take a look. ❞
At this point, Minho was not fine at all, and Hyunjin couldn't take seeing him like this anymore.
❝ Hyung.... I know we've come to terms, and we're fine just being friends like this. But please, give me a chance. ❞

❝ I can treat you better than he can. ❞

Minho just stared at Hyunjin's eyes, his expression wavered, and he could feel his numb heart taking weight of his churning guilt.
❝ I know you mean well, but I'll only hurt you further. ❞
Minho said, he tried to turn his gaze away but Hyunjin gently pulled on his arm, making Minho look back at him again.

❝ Please, just, I promise I won't push you to be my boyfriend— o-or anything! Just let me show you how much I like— no... I love you. I love you so much it's got me on a chokehold. Just.... Let me, give me a chance, if it really doesn't work, I'll stop for good. ❞

❝ Hyunjin.... ❞
Minho said, his voice cracking— trying to hold back his tears. He doesn't want to cry in front of him, he won't cry in front of anyone, he'll never forgive himself if he did.
❝ I can't love you when I'm still in love with someone else. ❞
He finally said and Hyunjin's breath hitched. He knew, of course, it was implied many times before. But to hear the words "still," "love," and "someone else" coming from Minho himself, gripped onto Hyunjin's throat more than he realized.

Hyunjin separated himself from Minho, hands letting go of the older's forearms. He was staring at the ground for a moment, then he looked up to meet eyes with Minho, expression still unreadable. 
❝ When I asked you if you were in a relationship with anyone.... You said not exactly.... Wh-what did you really mean by that? Who's the "he" you keep saying? Why— ❞

❝ I live with him. We aren't necessarily in a relationship anymore, but we used to be in love......  ❞
Minho looked down on the floor with his fists clenched and took in a shaking breath. He hugged himself, he felt like he was drowning in sudden shame to mention it to Hyunjin, because he knew how stupid it sounded, how stupid the reasons were behind it would sound like to other people who don't know. But Hyunjin was persistent, he could see the older through glass. 
❝ He used to look at me like the way you do. He used to make me feel so loved and important, I just couldn't stand it every time you looked or said something to me that's so sincere! It reminds me of the time when we used to be happy! ❞
Miinho raged out at Hyunjin, the younger looking at him heartbroken seeing tears now finally falling from Minho's eyes.

❝ If we do end up together, I'm afraid I'll just remember him through you— see him through you, and that's all it would be. Hyunjin, you don't deserve that. ❞

❝ Why are you still with him when you're clearly hurting? ❞
Hyunjin said quietly, bitterness creeping in the back of his voice.
❝ We're afraid to love and hurt each other again, but we're also afraid if we aren't in each other's presence— so this is how we ended up. ❞
Minho said, wiping his tears away while gritting his teeth, the shame he felt was unmatched, he felt sick in this place he stood at.

❝ You're hurting because of that fear.... And you're hurting because of him....  ❞
Hyunjin trailed off.

❝ Free yourself from him, free yourself from that fear, and start over again. I don't..... Want you hurting anymore. ❞
Hyunjin took the older's hand and laced his fingers through his, he looked at Minho with loving eyes. If there was a way for Minho to know, how willing Hyunjin was to risk everything for him, he would do it at any given moment.

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𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 :  𝟷𝙾𝟷𝟼𝟸𝙾

𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 : O83123

I'm having a major writer's block on Taste of Exile nxsjjdkss that book is my pride and joy so I'm quite strict with what I publish
I mean I have the plot in my head, I just don't know how I'll word it out? My brain is not braining