Shattered hearts (Severus Snape)

Chαρτεr fiνε: If I didn'τ εxisτ

It was like a routine for me to visit Hagrid in the Evenings on the weekends whenever I had time to spare after grading paper. We would have some tea and talk about anything like two old friends, It was always good to spend my evenings with him, distracting me from the memories of my daughter and Severus for a while.

Hagrid was a good friend, he kept my secret safe and much to my pleasure, he never brought up Alyssa or Severus in our conversations.

"Professor kang"

I was walking to Hagrid's hut when someone called out my name, stopping me dead in my tracks when I recognized the voice so well. The voice that rhymes within my mind, tugging painfully on my heartstrings at the same time. It was unreal to know he had power over me and he had not even the slightest idea about how much he possessed my heart and soul.

"Severus?"

I whispered, seeing him approach me. I frowned, thinking of the reasons that could bring him here to find me. He seemed to be in a hurry, as if he had something salient to say, and it only sent shivers down my spine, contemplating if this conversation would be the one I dreaded to hear, or the one that I would regret.

"I need to tell you the truth, professor kang. You have to stop acting like a victim when you're the one who ruined my life"

He said, his voice was calm and steady, as if there was no emotion that could break through him.

"I'm not acting like a victim, Severus."

"You are.."

Somehow I knew by the look in his eyes, this time his words would leave a permanent scar on my soul. Reminding me of my past.

Curling my hands into a fist when I could feel anger seeping into my chest, upon seeing his face.

"Our soulmate bond is a joke, kang"

He mocked, not knowing how much it burned my anger, which quickly turned into devastation upon realizing he was thinking so little of our connection, without knowing that our bond was the only thing keeping me alive. I looked into his past and saw how much he loved Lily and how shattered his heart was when he found her.

"I'm here now to tell you to stop dreaming. I've been hating you for years, despising your existence because if you weren't here, Lily would be mine."

"You need to stop dreaming Severus!"

His face dropped when I mentioned her name, and for a moment I was frightened by the look in his eyes.

"Don't you dare... mention her name..."

He warned, stabbing me in the heart to know he cared about her more than he cared about me.

"I can talk about her, you have no right to stop me, Severus Snape."

"I have every right to stop you from talking about the women I loved."

I could tell from the shaking in his voice, that he was holding back his anger.

I scoffed at his words, I knew I was pushing his buttons. Severus stared at me, clenching his jaw and I knew there was no way out.

"I loved Lily. I still do."

To know that he loved her felt like an obsidean sword shredding through my heart, gripping like claws and tearing my heart apart.

"Perhaps you do, but she didn't love you back"

"Stop talking as if you know me so well, professor kang. I wanted her to be my soulmate, not you. I just want you gone."

His words dripped with venom, suddenly my anger vanished into sorrow as I felt tears welding in my eyes.

"You're useless to me. Your whole existence is destroying me."

He continued, and I knew he was not going to stop until he broke me.

The thunder struck across the skies, as I looked up at the dark clouds as it began to rain, but both of us stood there in silence, only the soft sound of raindrops falling onto the ground could be heard.

I was cold...but the rain was the least of my concern at the moment when Severus stood in front of me, soaked, but he was not leaving either, and I could not read his thoughts as his mind was blank and filled with anger.

"Would it be better if I didn't exist...?"

I looked down at the ground, tears rolling down my face.

I questioned my existence every day my whole life and now I needed to know his answer.

"Would it be better if I didn't exist, Severus...?"

I asked him once again, looking up from the ground at him, the rain was cold, his dark obsidian eyes glared down at me, tears rolling down my face.

"Yes..."

Severus said, almost in a whisper as there was hesitant in his voice, tears falling down my face as the rain poured down. The rain was heavy, but he could tell u was crying, even when I tried to swallow my sobs.

"Now you know the truth, professor kang..."

I fell to my knees as he walked away, looking down at the ground I felt a hand wrap around my waist and lifted me up off the ground.

"Irene, what are you doing out here? It's pouring!"

Hagrid's voice was thick with worry as he used his coat to shield me from the rain as he carried me to his hut. He held my close as I sobbed not wanting to let go.

My eyes were glued onto the fire, heating me up.

"Irene...tell me what's wrong..."

"He wants me gone...Severus wants me gone..."

Severus's pov:
My heart was heavy with guilt, my mind was actively reminding me of her tears stained face.

I knew I would hurt her eventually, I never intended for the day to come so soon, I put her though so much pain, I never expected myself to be in so much pain after seeing her heart broken gaze on me.

I started to question my heart, if I really hated her or was I protecting myself from her feelings, so that no one could hurt me again.

I bathed myself in guilt upon realizing I should not be so harsh twords her. It was still fresh on my mind, the look in her eyes and the aching in my heart. My heart clawed in pain as I kept remembering the tears that streamed down her soft delicate face.

I never felt like this before.