Hate Is A Strong Word

1.

!!! I just want to say, that English is not my first language, so I apologise for any of the mistakes. !!!

You know that feeling when you're at home but you actually want to go home? I do. Very good. And that feeling, it's not very pleasant. I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub in my bathroom, tears smearing my mascara, together forming black and wet smudges on my cheeks. I wipe them away and a spot remains on my hand.

I place my phone on the sink and lift my head from my hands. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and feel like I'm in a classic movie that was directed by a man and the main character has just broken down and is crying in the bathroom. The only lucky thing is that I didn't somehow wear makeup to my mom's party today. I love family celebrations, ironically of course.

Why am I crying, anyway? I'm sure it helped that I'll have all my family from my dad at home and my mom's family joining in via video call because they don't live in the Czech Republic. But that's not the main reason. My main reason is the result of my history test.

A F. Repeat, an F! F! How could I get a five. Me, who's never gotten a grade worse than a B in my life. Since I was alive, I've been a first grader, a girl who can do anything, a school representative in anything. Chemistry? No problem. Computer science and robotics? A toy. Maths? Primitive stuff. Football, hockey, baseball or any other sport? Of course.

I just have a natural talent for everything. I speak six languages, play four musical instruments, am in the school choir, drama club, art club, played tennis for school, skated competitively, just simply put, I can do everything. Anything in the world. I also don't have any free time because of this, and when I do, I spend it studying or being home alone anyway.

I don't mind. I like being alone. I'm an introvert, I don't like people or crowded spaces. I prefer to be at home in my own quiet time or at home with my parents and my brother. I don't need to go out with people my age, I can get by on my own and sometimes with my two friends, now one. Ema left for England with her family and I'm left with only Victor.

I live to get the best grades, it's about the only way that makes me say you can be proud of yourself. I'm driven to get better grades, to have a successful future, I want people to look at me and say, she's done so much. It's like I don't have a closet full of trophies and medals and diplomas.

My parents thought there was something wrong with me. Both because of my introverted side and my excessive smarts and talent. I'm good at everything I touch. The doctors didn't find anything, I'm a perfectly normal 16-year-old girl who has no desire for a social life.

Everyone expects me to be a scientist or something, but I'm not drawn to that at all. I rather want to go to law school, but most of all I want to write books, but I've actually been doing that for a few years now. That's kind of my secret that's just coming out. I'm a writer. My books are successful all over the world. I have four, I'm working on a fifth, and they've all been translated into several languages around the world.

So I guess I'm pretty successful. Only my dad, my mom, my brothers, Victor and Emma know about this, and nobody else, because I write all my books under a pseudonym. All the books are written in Czech, but they just got so famous that they're being translated into other languages and selling like crazy. So I guess my future is bright.

To get back to why I'm actually crying. An A is something unrealistic for me. I studied honestly for the test for three hours and made countless flashcards on the topic we are currently discussing. I know, I don't know how many princes and their wives, but I still got an F. However, I'll be taking the Crow on Monday morning. I'll go first thing in the morning because I have practice anyway.