Hate Is A Strong Word

36.

Longest chapter so far (12 400 words), so enjoy.
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The more I think about what Sebastian and I actually have, our relationship reminds me of Taylor Swift songs. Every book I have has a song by her, like the book about me and Kristian is Fifteen. But my relationship with Sebastian can't be described by one song from a woman who has been carrying pop music on her back for a few years. I could find at least two on every album.

With Sebastian, it's now as it was before, by which I mean long before the Olympics, skiing, the Canadian world championship, Christmas, and everything that's happened in the last six months. He's supervising the eating and I'm supervising him overall. We've got my eating problem under control and it's on track, I believe I'll get over it. He hasn't told anyone, but if I don't send him a picture of my breakfast he threatens me, which is probably the right thing to do because if he didn't I don't know how things would be now.

His relationship with hockey is getting back to normal. He's still going more than he should, but as long as he's under his dad's baton, it probably won't get any better. Today they went to play away, so at lunch Victor and I watched him smash some guys in the mouth. He got five minutes and as soon as he came back on the ice after the penalty, he scored. They should be back sometime tonight. It doesn't really matter when they come back because it's Friday.

Our relationship is complicated, but in a good way. We said we're not going to have anything together yet, we're going to wait and see how it develops and not push it. I also told him yesterday as we were leaving school that maybe it would be time to bring back our hatred for the other again. He looked at me confused at first, but then said that it motivated us both because when we were fighting and didn't like each other, we were both giving incredible performances.

We've started tutoring again, so yesterday was the second time in a long time that he's reached for something like a workbook or textbook outside of school. It will be better this way, just learning again, but without so much hate. We can get along normally, maybe because of the moments we've had together. I had dinner with him last night, then kicked him out of the house because he mistook Slovakia for Slovenia.

Just like old times. And that's the way we like it. When I pushed him out the door yesterday and yelled at him, he laughed and so did I. Then he got on his motorbike and rode home, just like before. We skipped those hurdles, worked things out, and now we live side by side in relative peace. He's always making fun of me and I like to return the favor. The main thing is that the crying has been replaced by laughter.

The whole house is quiet and calm, my dad is somewhere in the Czech Republic, my mom is also away and Juraj is sleeping at a friend's house. Well, quiet except for me singing songs by the aforementioned American singer. I don't even know how my wish for him to listen to all her albums turned out. I clean my room, which is relatively tidy, but I have nothing to do and cleaning with headphones in my ears is something of an escape.

I even went to the ice rink after school today. It was amazing to get back on the ice after so long. No one bothered me today, because I was just passing by the boys from the middle school, who looked at me like Sebastian does when he's horny. I was there for about three and a half hours, and on the way home I talked to Jurajs coach, who was impressed with my skating.

Now I'm home and I'm happy. After a long time I feel, whole, complete. My relationship with food is slowly starting to get healthy again, everything is great with Sebastian, at home too, Simon is happy and I haven't felt like this in a long time. Life is good again and it's amazing how a few days is enough to make everything better than before. It's not perfect, but it's good.

I grab my laptop, which has a book about us written on it. On the other half of the screen is an email from my manager, who is perhaps happier than I am because we're doing about the third or fourth reprint of my book about a princess and a Spanish Formula One driver. All good feedback, amazing reviews and I'm glad they like it. When I saw a girl on the bus yesterday with a book that was written by me, I felt a sense of accomplishment.