Hate Is A Strong Word

33.

I never really knew where life would take me or where I would end up. Whether it would be Canada, America, Scandinavia or maybe I would stay in the Czech Republic. But two things I've known for a long time, that I want to marry a top athlete, hockey player or football player, it doesn't matter in the end, and I also want to write books. I also want to stay myself and I don't want to change for anyone else, if I have to change, it's for myself. The athlete, the books, feminism and staying as I am, I want to keep those things in my life forever.

Now that I've brought up the fact that I don't know where or who I'll end up with in the future, I should say something. On the other hand, I know where I'm gonna end up in a few days. Slovakia. I kind of made a promise to myself before the semi-final match that if Slovakia won the medal, I would pack my things, get on the train and head straight to the neighbour country. To see Samuel.

Well, they kind of did it.

I'm just crying about stupid hockey now. It's one of the weekend evenings, or rather it's already night and I feel light, beautiful and mostly happy. It's about 11:30 at night and it's alive at my house, more like crying. Juraj has exchanged his half jersey for a Slovak one and now he is jumping in front of the TV with joy, my dad is sitting on the couch watching the happy Slovaks. Mum has huge eyes and doesn't believe what has happened and I am crying.

They have the bronze. To be honest, I didn't expect them to win, I don't think anyone did, but deep down I believed that coveted medal would be swinging around his neck. I can't describe my feelings, it's something nice. Seeing him, smiling from ear to ear and with tears in his eyes, going around his teammates and hugging them to thank them for this experience, makes me feel like I'm right there with him.

Even though we haven't spoken in over half a year, no text or call, but it feels like he's thinking of me. That he knows I'm sitting in front of the TV right now, tears of happiness rolling down my cheeks, and I'm proud of what he's accomplished. That little Samuel, who ten years ago chased his grandmother's chickens back into the coop with a hockey stick when they escaped, is standing on Olympic ice right now and about to have a bronze around his neck. He has made Slovak history.

Samuel has always been a humble boy, even his talent and skills have not destroyed him, he has remained the same person he has always been. I miss him, I'm not saying I don't. I'd like to hug him now, tell him I'm proud of him. The one main reason I want to be there now, and especially should be, is because I promised him I would.

summer 2021

Laughing, we run down the forest path. I have no idea where it leads me. I don't know it here. I spend every holiday here, but I've never seen this place before. His palm grips mine tightly and I run after him. He turns to me, slows down, and finally comes to a complete stop and smiles. That beautiful big smile.

He kisses me, and after a moment, his strawberry-tasting lips pull away from mine. He looks at me with a smile on his face, looking like the only emotion in his body is love. I've never been this happy. I never believed a man could make you this happy. I take his hand and he smiles even more at my act.

"What, Tiny?" Comes out of his lips. He's still laughing like an idiot.

"Nothing. How far?"

"Just a bit." We're going up a steep hill. I couldn't be happier, I don't miss anything in my life. It's the holidays, I'm spending my summer away from everything in the middle of a small village in Slovakia. I know that every single day I will see the person I love. Sometimes when I look at him I want to start crying because of how happy I am. How much I'm in love with him.

He's the first one up the hill. He grabs my hand and pulls me up. Yesterday we spent all day at the pool with his sister and my brother, the day before that I went to his morning practice, and we rode our bikes all afternoon. I have no idea what today holds, much less what tomorrow holds, but I'm glad we get to spend this summer together because then I don't think it will be entirely possible.