Hate Is A Strong Word

21.

I spent the whole weekend baking and decorating gingerbread cookies with Sebastian. But this was my reality. We managed to bake two thousand gingerbread over the weekend, then decorate them, then make four hundred and twenty packages. Five for every little kid. Next time, I'll ditch the little brats and give them briquettes.

I didn't argue with Sebastian not once all weekend, which I don't know whether to consider a success, a loss, or a miracle. When I think about it, we're at war, but we don't act like it at all, because we share a bed and he kissed me. Yeah, I still can't wrap my head around that, and it also doesn't really cross my mind, that Sebastian's gonna be flying across the ocean in about ten days.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss him. I'm clinging to him, and he's clinging to me even more. Yeah, it's gonna be hard, especially for him. Being away from my family for Christmas, I couldn't imagine. The way our Christmas Eve is going, Simon is connected via video call most of the day and then mostly during dinner and presents, because it wouldn't make sense for him to fly home and then to Tampa, he wouldn't even stay with us.

I know the guys in junior have their Christmas Eve in Canada, but nothing replaces the feeling of being with your family. But it's an honor to represent your country at the World Junior Championship, but you just fly away for the Christmas. It was weird for me when Simon wasn't home for Christmas but away somewhere.

I don't know, it's all been so weird since October. I just can't describe it. It's weird, especially with me and Sebastian, it's unbelievable. Yesterday morning I woke up to the sound of Juraj singing the czech hockey anthem and also on Sebastian. I'm not fuckin kidding, I was lying with the whole weight of my body on top of him. My head at his collarbone and then I was stretched across his body.

I can't believe it, I just can't believe it. I woke up and I was in shock. He was holding me tight, very tight, but not so tight, it was comfortable. I could smell his scent, a pleasant smell. It was something between perfume residue, shower gel and a little sweat. It was such an incredibly intimate moment, where he was literally holding me close to him and even when he woke up, he seemed to be holding me so tightly, because he was afraid something might happen to me. He wanted to make sure I was safe. And that's that.

I'm hoping Juraj will keep his mouth shut, or I'll break at least two of his hockey sticks. At least. Otherwise, I'll be at home being interrogated, and I think my dad's gonna take matters in his own hands. On top of that, I'll be dressed like an angel all day today. What more could you ask for?

"You'll literally kill it."

"Dad." I pull one bag of clothes, another of makeup and everything else for my hair, and a giant third with all the packages of gingerbread from my suitcase. I pick up my wings, which when I made them three years ago I never thought they'd have such a long life, but they're still beautiful. And also a giant basket. "Bye."

"Bye, Tina." I move my foot under the trunk and it starts to close on its own. Dad gives me one more wave and then takes off in the direction to his office. It's a bit after six in the morning and we're supposed to be at the daycare by seven-thirty, because the kids will just be in class and have some activities. We'll have to be out of the kindergarten a little after eight, then Jacob will have to make a second St. Nicholas out of himself, and then we'll split into two groups.

I need to get out of school no later than three o'clock, because that's half hour home and before I get anywhere, I have to get my stuff home and then hurray to the municipal office, where we have a meeting at four o'clock and our village's St. Nicholas troop comes out at five. I'm seriously gonna go crazy, because it's going to be rough today.

"Hello, Veselska." Sebastian comes running up to me and takes my wings, basket and classic blue IKEA bag full of gingerbreads. He doesn't have anything with him except a half-empty backpack, since the school has costumes for St. Nicholas.